When my publisher posted an excerpt from my book back in May, one thing I heard a lot about was a piece I wrote called “Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities”.
(I know, I know, know sharing a bed is not for every set of friends, and you can skip this if your best friend snores or has night time rituals with ointments that smell strange or pharmaceutically).
So, we thought we’d open up the floor, what are rights, rules, regulations, responsibilities you would send to your best friends? What does that special someone deserve? For those of you who did not check it out the first time you can find an extended audio version of me reading them here.
Best Friends Rights & Regulations from Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?(Warning: like every human except Terry Gross or Carl Castle, I detest the sound of my own voice. However, some have known to find it pleasing. Maybe if you squint you may think “ahh, the anesthetizing lilt of an 11-year old girl!”)
Post your rights, rules, responsibilities, et cetera now through Monday, October 10th in the comments below. The best of the best? They win a free signed copy of my book. Show your best friend some love. Along with your rules, make sure to share our Best Friends rules with this Tweet:
Check out @MindyKaling & me’s #BFFrights! Post your rules for a chance to win a signed copy of her new book! http://tinyurl.com/BFFRegs
Can’t wait to see your rules!
To inspire you, I’ve posted some pics of real life and I-wish-was-real best friendships for the ages.
the best friend must forfeit her last spicy tuna avocado roll.
the best friend must not buy the same lc by lauren conrad shoes i have.
the best friend must not steal boyfriends.
the best friend must encourage drinking rum and cokes until we stumble home and fall asleep together.
the best friend must feel comfortable talking about anything.
the best friend must like some of the same books, movies, and music & must bring her own to the table for sharing.
the best friend must leave her house at 1 am to pick you up because you have no car.
the best friend must share her family with you. they are more fun than your own.
the best friend must let you be yourself.
erin | October 7, 2011 |
Besties must agree to be honest - even if it’s not what the other person wants to hear. EXAMPLE: “If you wear that, you will look like your mother, not when she was your age but now.” OR “That guy is married.” OR “Were you planning on doing something about those gray hairs or are you trying out a Cruella de Vil thing?”
Besties know that anything in your purse and medicine cabinet is fair game.
Most important: Besties know when to send chocolate.
Nicole | October 7, 2011 |
You root for her favorite sports team in the entire world, that you happen to despise, because you know their winning will make her so happy. It’s painful but necessary. And she roots for yours, too – dragging her feet the entire way.
Caroline Findlay | October 7, 2011 |
She retweets your attempting-to-be-funny tweets because she knows one day you want to be an actual, real-life working (famous?) comedian. And when you become one, you will bring her along with you to all the cool parties that aren’t nearly as fun as the college parties you had with just a few people in an apartment. But you both still go and she keeps you grounded through it all.
Caroline Findlay | October 7, 2011 |
She listens to you talk about that guy with that girlfriend that you just “want to be friends with,” even though she knows you’re in love with him. She lets you take your time in realizing that love, then professing it to her. She, then, coaches you through getting over him because let’s face it, you don’t try to take another girl’s man because it’s tacky, mean and unbecoming. Even if said girlfriend is too skinny, not nice and not funny. We all deserve love.
Caroline Findlay | October 7, 2011 |
1) if you go on vacation with a bff, it’s OK to get seriously annoyed with each other a total of once during the trip. whether it’s a case of jet lag crankies or feeling excluded that your bff is having a vakay-mance and you’re not (note to bffs: not cool to ditch your pal for a suitor for more than an evening unless you both have options), peevage is going to happen. it’s never not happened. and it’s fine.
2) is your bff’s lover a loser? if she seems happy, keep your yammer yanked shut. once she starts realizing she/he’s a dud (and she will, it just may take an uncomfortably long time), you are allowed to gently encourage her negative feelings.
3) never say “i told you so”, right? right!
4) if you fall in love with your bff’s sibling, proceed with extreme caution. and by proceed, i mean “keep that shit to yourself.” unless! it’s always been your co-dreams to take the bff’ness to another level with sister-in-law status.
molly reisner | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends must be honest and truth-telling at all times. When I’m doing something dumb, you must tell me, and vice-versa. When I need feedback on a project or idea, you are to tell me your honest opinion.
Since my BFF Becca has a birth two weeks away from mine, we usually buy each other gifts at the same time and swap at the same time. This is more of a tradition than a regulation, but it’s going in here.
Let me say, “There’s a funny part coming! This is my favorite part!” during movies. You’re allowed to add commentary as well.
We should expose one another to new music and movies at least a few times a month. As well as watching really ridiculous movies like Twilight and anything involving SJP or Kate Hudson.
Don’t talk about how you need to lose weight. It’s not a conversation starter, it makes me feel awkward, and it makes you sound like you’re fishing for compliments.
Liz Vallish | October 7, 2011 |
Additional Best Friend Rights & Regulations:
When I call you to tell you about something exciting/sad/scary/dramatic, you must imitate my level of enthusiasm. I want to hear crying if I’m sad. I want screams and shouts of joy if I’m happy. It’s a lot easier to pretend over the phone, so even if you only sound happy and you’re really totally bored with my story … that’s okay. Fake it.
Amanda | October 7, 2011 |
You support all of her shopping decisions and she supports all of yours. Only when it seems like maybe one of you might be slipping into a bit of Visa, Mastercard, Discover and / or American Express balance problem, do you raise the issue of the price of her most recently bought item. When she replies, “Oh please it was an online sale – totally last season,” do you breathe a sigh of relief and ask her for said website. (and you believe her when she says “sale” because you trust each other, phew)
Caroline Findlay | October 7, 2011 |
We will support each other in all our inventions, phases,lucrative business ideas (of course reasonable) You want to build a rocketship that will fly out of central park lets do it!
I can go into your refrigerator as soon as I get to your house and grab something to eat without asking
I will take care of you when you are sick
I will loathe whoever you loathe
We will not let one another go out looking less than stellar
We will always learn and grow together
When one of us is sad we will bring favorite food/drink/snack to our bff’s house and listen to you vent
Jules | October 7, 2011 |
- I will not make fun of the way your mom pronounces bag aka “behg” more than once, and you will not make fun of the way my grandma pronounces coupon aka “que-pin” more than once. You talk “funny,” and so do I. We all cannot have a non-regional dialect like Tom Brokaw.
- A bat in the cave? A piece of spinach in my teeth? These follies aren’t relegated to embarrassing plot points on a TV show or in a movie. They happen every day (scary). Knowing this alarming statistic, we should be able to delicately tell one another when this is happening (especially in public). A specific signal to go to the ladies room will suffice.
- It is my right to ask, and expect a yes, when I lustfully eye your food and inquire about partaking in a bite or three. You can expect the same courtesy, from me.
- I will make your birthday anything and everything you want it to be: a low-key PJ & ice cream party, done! You would like a “fancy” dinner at a stodgy, biddy-invested restaurant, done! (I will even order my food in a British accent. I will not.break.character!) With this in mind, I would love the same enthusiasm on my birthday, even though it’s four days before Christmas and no one cares. You should care. It might be frigid, a snowstorm might have come through and ruined my college graduation/23rd birthday party and you could be asked to leave town for the holidays. No matter the obstacle, you need to help in the collaboration to “Tim Gunn-it” (or make it work, whatever).
- It should never come as a surprise when either one of us is asked to participate in an impromptu car concert. No matter our singing abilities, I will need you to pump up your volume, when I crank up the stereo system. I will double your excitement upon hearing “Bye Bye Bye,” by including hand motions while singing the chorus. We should both share a “let’s do this” attitude when the situation arises.
Meredith Mitchell | October 7, 2011 |
1. Always tell the truth in the dressing room
2. If you feel like gossiping about the other, pick up the phone and call your mother
3. Chocolate never has any calories
4. Neither do martinis
5. Classy ladies can order poutine at 4am
6. Always pick up the phone no matter how mad you are
7. Any Betsey Johnson product is considered “our” Betsey Johnson ______
8. All stories from the past 24 years of our friendship is hilarious & any new boyfriend should learn that hours of story time is now a part of his life.
9. Compiling a folder of photos for What Not To Wear is okay, but take the photos a bit more secretly!!! (more of a demand than a rule)
10. Love each other forever
Vanessa Butler | October 7, 2011 |
A best friend will put her palm face up when her best friend mutters, “I don’t want this gum anymore.”
A best friend will adjust your Strap Perfect for what seems like eternity until it’s just right.
A best friend will put your seat warmer on for you when you fall asleep in the car.
A best friend will eat everything on her best friends burger that her best friend doesn’t like but doesn’t want to ask to have removed. i.e. tomatoes, onions, pickles, etc.
Tara | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends must know when you want to have a serious, soul-searching discussion, and when you just want to get drunk and dance.
Best friends will always be ready with takeout Thai food, a bottle of cheap wine, and a season of Toddlers and Tiaras for when you’re having “one of those days”.
Tara | October 7, 2011 |
3 simple rules: When we inevitably fill up our Tivo with Lifetime Movies and reruns of Law & Order, you can delete them without asking*. (*Only to make room for more Lifetime Movies and Law & Order. (Unless it’s the movie about the Craiglist Killer. I need to keep that on there to remind myself of the dangers of online shopping.))
When I discover a new song and I want to play it on repeat constantly at max volume in the living room, you can’t get annoyed for a least a week. Don’t pretend like you didn’t enjoy The Week of ‘The Dog Days Are Over’ or The Week of ‘I Whip My Hair Back and Forth.’
You have the right to tell me I need to go to the gym with you despite the fact that none of my tv shows are on- the elliptical actually does work whether or not Real Housewives or Top Chef is on.
morgan | October 7, 2011 |
BFFs have running tabs, but no one ever really knows how much you actually owe one another. “You can get me next time,” means I’ll pick up this sushi bill and this weekend, you’ll get me a round of drinks while we’re jamming unapologetically to Justin Bieber at the bar. Whoever dies first leaves $50 in their will to their BFF - surely this will cover any outstanding debt.
Lauren | October 7, 2011 |
1. If Comments (1) is visible on your blog post, it’s probably hers. If it’s not, she’s on a plane without wifi somewhere.
2. There’s nothing too gross, too personal, or too intimate to talk about. The stuff that gets cut from movies….even Bridesmaids.
3. You use a secret signal to communicate with her when you’re in person that’s not on your face (too obvious).
4. Keeping secrets for her are a privilege, keeping secrets from her is a burden.
Sara rosso | October 7, 2011 |
A best friend is allowed to walk into your house (without knocking), open your fridge (without asking) and do several shots of whipped cream directly from the can, all before telling you what the heck is wrong.
abby | October 7, 2011 |
Kim’s BFF Rules and Responsibilities:
Kim: 1) The Best Friend Card.
* This can be real or imaginary. But, when your best friend pulls it, you agree with them, no matter how irrational their emotions may be. When the best friend card is pulled, you agree with them.
2) I will fly across the country to be in your wedding. I will assume this is going to be the only one. And I will freak out on the people not pulling their weight, so you don’t have to appear to be Bridezilla.
3) When you are sad, I will make you laugh.
4) I will agree that your feet are cute. Even though most feet gross me out. I’m sure your feet are adorable, and you spent time on your pedicure. But, please stop touching me with them.
5) As Best Friends, we will tell the other when you are making an obvious tragic fashion choice. But, will know the line between terrible and creative.
6) I will always sing in the car with you.
7) I will help you internet stalk that guy that you gave your number to at the bar last night. We will use google, facebook, and twitter to make sure he’s a normal human who doesn’t want to murder you in the night.
9) A best friend will tell you when you have eye-liner goobers.
10) I won’t get mad when you look over my shoulder to read the text that The Boy I Like just sent me. It is after all, practically your shoulder.
Kim | October 7, 2011 |
Best Friend Rule #28: Never run out of boxed wine and Johnny Depp movies.
Crystal pOol | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends must learn what your “my life is falling apart” voice sounds like and detect it within seconds of a phone call. And no matter what you’re doing- a best friend takes that call.
Erin Lynn | October 7, 2011 |
Best Friend Rule #47: When being hit on at a club by a creeper, Best Friend is obligated to say loudly, ‘Your ex boyfriend is out of prison and he’s here! We gotta go!’
Crystal pOol | October 7, 2011 |
BFF must share deodorant in times of despair
BFF must stay awake in passenger seat during road trips
BFF must take pictures with you when you’re looking good
BFF must then post said pictures in a timely matter on facebook
Allison | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends never say “I told you so.” She may lightly remind you that “This is what I meant when I said he may, possibly, maybe be the kind of guy who still calls his mom Mommy and cries during silly fights.” But never, ever, “I told you so.”
Erin Lynn | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends must convincingly lie to all exes, stalkers and creeps.
Best friends must react to shitty situations (getting lost, missing flights, falling down) by being able to laugh and not whine.
Best friends must be able to listen when the other one wants to whine.
Best friends are always available for texting, IM conversation, or Facebook chat.
If you can have adventures, go have fun, and also sit on the couch and eat ice cream while watching tv, that’s your best friend.
Julia Santo | October 7, 2011 |
She tells you your newborn baby is the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen, when let’s face it, he looks like an old man alien.
Sarah | October 7, 2011 |
1. You never need the backstory. Because you already know all my business. If you happen to not know a detail (“wait, you made out with WHO?”) I can give you a sixy-second rundown of the situation and you’re all caught up.
2. You never have to justify yourself to me. Having a temper tantrum because the pad thai is mushy slash that dude didn’t call you back slash your job sucks? That’s fine. I’ll take you for gelato and cheer your crank ass up.
3. You are a combo wingwoman/life raft. If I want to have a some arm candy to give me extra swag when I go to hang out with my crush, you will put on your heels and dance your ass off. If my crush wants to hang out with me solo, you will gracefully exit and text me demanding details later. If my crush turns out to be a real Patrick Bateman type, you will rush over to the bar and drag me away for an “emergency”.
4. You can be disgusting. I may complain if you rip a huge fart halfway through our road trip, but I will listen sympathetically to your embarassing poop story. I will poke the weird boil on your back and affirm that it is in fact, totally radical in a gross way.
5. I know your weird food things. Gluten free? I use a different knife to cut the bread and the cheese. Allergic to onions? I make my bruschetta with onions on the side, even though that is a huge pain in the ass. If you
6. We will talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. If you move to England, we will Skype for hours about the cute Brits you meet and whether you’d do Price Harry or Prince William. If you go West Coast, I will drunk-dial you when it’s late for me but still early-ish for you. If you go on a dumb family vacation which you are too old for but got guilted into, I will send you snarky texts about how your stepmom looks ike Dina Lohan.
7. We will probably cry together. One of us will tell a story that is so heartbreaking or lovely or tragic or happy and we’ll cry. It’s ok. We all do it. It could be because your grandma passes away or it could be because we both really love that commercial where the dad secretly watches his son play hockey growing up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdrSkoc08gw).
8. I will listen to you talk about that guy or girl….until I want to murder them or you just to end the conversation. But I will not complain. I will not tell you to “get over it”. I will listen, and give you pertinent advice, and only point out that they are a huge douche when it is deserved.
9. I will bring you treats just because you’re special to me. I will remember the weird British candy you like that smells like old ladies, and I will buy it when I see it. Because you let me eat the only whole peanut butter cup in your pint of Ben and Jerry’s and that is huge.
10. We both apologize readily and often, but we mutually agree that it’s not even fucking necessary. This is as unconditional as it gets, babe. Now let’s go to that 24 hour diner for shitty French toast.
mccormcorp | October 7, 2011 |
1. The best friend knows the difference between when to loyally take your side versus when to tell you that you’re just effin’ wrong
2. The best friend will let you know that the clothes/makeup/hairstyle you’re wearing is/are not flattering and help suggest a better outfit/style for that special occasion
3. The best friend will let you talk about the same topic/boy/object of obsession for as long as you need before you realize that you’re being absolutely self-absorbed and crazy (though she will try to remind you gently in between your monologues)
4. The best friend will always find a way to share with you the most important moments of your life, even if they can’t be/aren’t physically there, and vice versa, without ever questioning loyalty
5. The best friend knows the difference between when to intercede and when to give you space to figure things out yourself
6. The best friend will not judge you, and in fact will join you, in eating trans-fats and other health no-no’s all night, because sometimes, you just have to.
7. The best friend has no problem with your idiosyncratic hygienic tendencies and has, on more than one occasion, seen you unshowered for days on end
8. The best friend will see you wearing a good outfit two days in a row but doesn’t count as someone you saw already
9. The best friend knows how to have a conversation with you about serious issues (like sexual health concerns) and will check your pee stick with you when your period is a few days late
10. The best friend will read your list of rules and regulations, laugh at you for taking yourself so seriously, but generally be supportive anyway.
Grace H. | October 7, 2011 |
You can lie about (or flat-out deny) that last piece of gum to other people, but not to your best friend. Give him/her the gum.
Same goes for tampons.
K C | October 7, 2011 |
When you’re obviously having a bad day, best friends will text or tweet you an inside joke to make you smile. Air mattresses are always kept in the closet, in case an impromptu sleepover occurs. DVD box sets like “Flavor Of Love” are perfectly acceptable birthday gifts, and it’s also acceptable to sell them back to Moviestop when you’re done watching them.
Mary Alice Williams | October 7, 2011 |
Best Friend Rule: If (or when) either of us (but let’s get serious this will probably be you) are foolish and allow ourselves to get an impossible-to-cover-looks-like-you-were-attacked-by-a-vampire-with-a-baseball-bat-hickey you have free reign to borrow and wear any and all turtleneck and scarves necessary to pass for professional at work and social gatherings . This rule extends until that monstrosity of a high-school-girl-like mistake fades into a more innocuous faded bruise type thing.
Beth | October 7, 2011 |
Best Friend Rule cont. I will also restrain my outward judgement that you were somehow stupid enough to let that guy give you a hickey even though you are a grown ass woman!
Beth | October 7, 2011 |
A best friend:
1. Attends the midnight premiere of Harry Potter with you. Every year.
2. Emails you when there’s a good sale at your favorite store.
3. Shares her string cheese.
4. Gets drunk with you so you’re not the only idiot rolling on the floor.
5. Sends random snail mail cards to cheer you up.
6. Remembers your birthday without the Facebook reminder.
7. Tells you when a guy is bad news and is still there for you when you didn’t listen to her the first time.
8. Appreciates and encourages your sarcasm.
9. Hates the same people you do.
10. Is reliable and honest.
11. The most important woman in your life, other than your mom.
Madeline Kronfeld | October 7, 2011 |
When I’ve had a few too many, you’ll listen to my drunken ramblings and not hold anything against me in the morning.
At the beginning of the night you’ll agree when I say, “No guys tonight, it’s ladies night!” but not mind if a cute dude macks on me. In return, I’ll do the same for you.
You’ll never fish for complements because you know I deliver them to you without prompting.
When Halloween rolls around, we’ll plan our costumes to match/follow the same theme. A duh.
My favorite shows will become your favorite shows. And vice versa. And when we’re not together to watch them, we’ll write our favorite one liner’s on one another’s Facebook wall.
Once I like/date/kiss a guy, you’ll know he’s off limits. But you’re free to secretly lust after him for as long as you’d like.
At the karaoke bar, you’ll be Cher and I’ll be Sonny. I got you, BFFBabe.
Kait | October 7, 2011 |
RomCom character “cute man-boy who loves me but I won’t admit it for another 60 minutes” holds your head out of the toilet after you decide to exercise six hours of poor drinking judgement. He ties your hair back gently, keeping your face from brushing the seat, then lends a thigh for you to rest your head upon between upchucks. He’s sitting on that cold black and white checkered bathroom tile, without an OCD care in the world that the air in the bathroom is rancid from your welching.
Then, as the haze of your drunken stupor starts to clear, you gaze up at him with your head rested on his lap and wax philosophical about why you went on your drinking rampage. You got chucked boohoo. Existential pause. Eyeballs connect. As it dawns on you that this might be the pivotal moment where you’re falling in love wi— you bolt up and are back to clinging on porcelain making vomity noises.
But O, Hollywood!, he doesn’t exist.
In real life, that’s your best friend. They never judge you when you’re at your pukey/hallucinatory worst.
And in return, my bestie will get this signed copy of IEHOWM (pronounced iHome), whereafter reading the BFF R&Rs, she won’t secretly wish gag-reflex-free Mindy Kaling was her girl instead.
Valerie | October 7, 2011 |
My Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities:
1. FOOD
Bring me food. I don’t even care what food it is. If you’re going to come round to my house, you’re bringing me food. You got that? (Preferably chocolate).
2. TV AND FILM REFERENCES
I make references to TV shows and films often so you should understand what I’m talking about and should be able to join in. So please do some homework for me, your beloved best friend, okay?
3. CANCELLING PLANS
If I were to cancel one of our plans, then you’re not allowed to be mad with me. Actually, please also consider telling me that you yourself will have to cancel a plan. It’ll probably be the best thing that you could ever do for me.
4. SMARTER THAN ME?
No. No you’re not.
5. HONESTY
If I look like I was dragged backwards through a dirty hedge at midnight by a mad man with an axe, then please inform me of that fact before we leave the house. However, sometimes I like to have “scruffy days” so please know which day is which or I will be deeply insulted. Yours sincerely, your lazy BFF.
6. BED SHARING
We must never be parted during the night. Even if for some strange mysterious reason, we’re in the situation where your boyfriend is round, he’s the one sleeping downstairs on the couch or on the floor - I WILL get in that bed with you whether you want me there or not.
7. WATCH THE SHOWS THAT I WATCH
Me saying “Isn’t Saved by the Bell the best show ever?” and your replying with “what show?” will get you killed.
8. IF YOU LEAVE ANYTHING AT MY HOUSE, IT AUTOMATICALLY BECOMES MINE
Although you do have the right to take it back after 4 months.
9. DON’T BE TOUCHING MY SHIT
Now I’m all for sharing my bed, food, razor and amazingly crap clothing items, but please refrain from touching anything that lays in room. I don’t like it when I spend my entire evening picking up after your damn mess. This isn’t a hotel, and this isn’t your room. Please respect my OCD like tendencies; I shouldn’t see anything out of place. It makes me cry alone at night when you’ve gone home. Why would you want to do that to me? I thought we were friends.
10. CATS
They are cool. I know that you agree.
All of these rules can work vice-versa if I’m in a good mood too, apart from number four. Don’t even question that one.
Toni Stanger | October 7, 2011 |
1.) We shall get annoyed with each other while planning a cross country meet up but geek out when we eventually get there (Wizarding World of Harry Potter!).
2.) Besties do not judge when you drunkenly buy books/Kindles online. It is better than a one-night stand.
3.) We both will cry at random parts during a movie. But you never mention this once that moment is over.
4.) If I think a Disney prince is hot, you shall encourage me to take a picture with the actor playing him at the park-no matter how long the line is.
5.) You are allowed to call at random hours of the night to talk about your 9 hour date from hell. And I will agree that it was the worst date. EVER.
6.) Our plan to retire to the English countryside, have tea, knit, and solve mysteries is the greatest retirement plan-EVER.
7.) Even though the Sorting Hat gave you Syltherin, you’re still amazing (and I’ll still be your friend).
8.) And even though we don’t talk everyday, I love the fact that you call me/I call you at that moment when it is most needed. That’s probably why we’re best friends.
“My best friend brings out the best in me.”-Henry Ford.
PM | October 7, 2011 |
1. You tell me when something in your life sucks, even if it’s the same thing that sucked 4 years ago and I’m totally going to roll my eyes because, c’mon, didn’t we talk about this already? But we are best friends, and that’s means you’re obligated to spill your bad feelings guts all over me so I can feel good about making it better.
2. If I like something horrible and cliche, you like it too, or you pretend to goddamnit. And if it’s really bad we like it together, ironically. But I’m going to be the first person to get over liking it, because hell-o, ironically enjoying Taylor Swift was so 2009, can you please move on? I’m sorry I ever bought you that CD. “Picture to Burn” doesn’t even apply to your life, all your pictures are digital, stop listening to it.
3. I get to force you to wear the things in your closet you bought because you love them but that you never have the courage to wear. You know that you adore that peter pan collared shirt with the embroidery on it, but you also know everyone will be obnoxious to you if you wear it because it’s way girlier than most of your stuff. But guess what? You’re wearing it because I said so. And when I get it out of your closet I’m throwing all your crappy graphic T-shirts to the back where you’ll have so much trouble finding them you’ll forget you have them for long enough to find a sense of fashion.
4. We get to laugh our awful laughs around each other. That bray you make when someone slips in something disgusting? It’s totally science fiction and you let it loose around me. Similarly, I do that laughing-while-inhaling thing that really defies all sorts of physics laws. But we both get to make fun of each other for it. What are you, some donkey-human hybrid?
5. I only have to tell you that you’re not fat once a month. More than this, and I get to be annoyed with you, because seriously? Didn’t I raise you better than that? Whether you’re a size 2 or a size 20, you don’t get to feel sorry for yourself for more than 10% of your life, and even though I want you to talk to me about your crappy feelings (see #1) I also want you to get over them, at least when they’re stupid and ridiculous.
6. We have different taste in non-fictional men. We can both love Ryan Gosling until the end of eternity (who may or may not be non-fictional, but I’ll have to meet him and touch him a few times before I’ll believe he’s real) but when it comes to the Guy Next Door, you think his beard is weird and I think he’s my new garden variety fantasy. His brother? Totally too skinny, but you’re all over him like a nerd at a Star Wars convention, which is where you too will hit it off. Similarly…
7. We never, ever date the same guy. Not because we’d let him get between us - we’re too good for that, and we’d totally talk it out before it would happen. We would both have to be okay with it for it to happen. But it wouldn’t happen. Why? Because the reasons why he didn’t work out with me are the reasons why he won’t work out with you. That’s how close we are.
8. You don’t let me be friends with my exes, and I advise you not to be friends with yours. That way lies drama, heartache, and incredible bitterness. Why would you want to ruin all your good memories of him by watching his downward spiral for the next eight months? And do you really want to see him fall in love with that next girl, and do everything right with her that he did wrong with you? Do you want to know he took her to that fancy restaurant you always wanted to go to, when he always just took you out for pizza and made you pay? No, you don’t want to know those things. And neither do I. So just stay away. He’ll never be a good enough friend to you to make up for all the ways he did you wrong.
Hanna | October 7, 2011 |
Ooop! I forgot #9:
Most gifts are acceptable. Just not Chia Pets.
PM | October 7, 2011 |
I’ll go to the club with you, but I can’t promise that I’ll leave with you.
Michael | October 7, 2011 |
When we have sleepovers, we share the bed, and you hog all the blankets. #bffrights
Kacey Rainone | October 7, 2011 |
You must tell me if there’s something stuck in my teeth or in my nose. And you must give me a piece of gum if my breath stinks.
We will always sing the “Laverne and Shirley” theme song on demand.
Cary Goldwasser | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends will let you go through their DVD collection and watch every single kissing scene from each movie.
Gretchen Alice | October 7, 2011 |
I Will Read Your Blog.
I will gladly tell you how much I admire your initiative and originality, and I will praise you for all of your funny jokes. I will quietly ignore any boring posts. I will never, ever, ever troll in the comments, and if other people do, I will hug you while spouting empty threats about them and compliments about you. I will go on random outings and adventures with you to generate good “content,” and I will encourage you to keep writing. I will patiently wait for you to take dozens of photographs to get just the perfect one… but if you put me in a photograph, I reserve the right to make weird faces.
Jessica | October 7, 2011 |
Your best friend will text with you for hours over-analyzing this week’s Gossip Girl episode (“Is it Chuck’s baby?” “Why is Serena so beautiful?”) even though you wouldn’t admit to anyone else on the planet that you’ve watched the show religiously for all five seasons.
Your best friend forces you to go out on Friday night because it’s getting really pathetic that your spending so much time watching 30 Rock reruns on Netflix Instant Queue while wearing microwavable socks and eating dry cereal because you haven’t gotten groceries for two weeks. She will even let you wear her new J.Crew top, even thouh she hasn’t even taken the tags off (and actually kind of wanted to return it because it was way overpriced), because you have “nothing to wear!!”
Your best friend let’s you borrow her car, her Marc by Marc Jacobs purse, her Deborah Lippmann nail polish (even though that shit’s $18 a bottle), her HBO password, her cupcake pan, and her gym membership. No, you cannot borrow her Nordstrom credit card or her boyfriend.
Your best friend will listen to you talk about the guy who’s definitely in love with you because he quoted a movie line with the word “soulmate” in it or remembered that you like two sugars in your coffee (Actually, you like two Splendas. But it’s practically the same!). She will allow this self-indulgent monologue to go on for approximately 17 minutes (while she may or not have muted you a maximum of two times to order at Pinkberry or checkout at Lululemon), and then she will tell you “he’s totally into you,” and then launch into her own 17 minute monologue. Because Best Friends always keep the score even.
Julia sallo | October 7, 2011 |
My best friend is allowed to come to my house to pick me up with a minimum of five minutes notice. When I’m obviously not ready when she gets there (because she just told me five minutes ago), she is not allowed to be mad. She is, however, allowed to make annoyed comments about how late we’re going to be. But only if they’re witty.
When it’s been a super long time since we’ve seen each other, my best friend is required to make my favorite dessert for me, which we’ll demolish while we watch Burlesque and talk about what’s happened since we last saw each other. I’m required to do the same thing under those conditions.
When we’re not together but both watching our favorite show, we should probably call each other during the commercials or after it’s over, just to go back over what happened, and how important it is to our existence.
When my best friend is sad, I must maintain the perfect balance of support and i-care-about-your-feelings, and get-your-butt-out-of-bed-you’re-done-being-sad attitude toward her. I have to remember that I’ve been sad before, and I must care about her feelings. However, I can’t let her mope around forever. She should do the same for me.
The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants could not happen in real life. It just couldn’t. But it would be really cool to have some sort of Travelling Something to pass back and forth. My best friend and I have a notebook filled with our favorite quotes that we send back and forth to each other.
Sadie Lewis | October 7, 2011 |
Rules, Regulations and General Guidelines for being best friends (Kels, this one’s for you)
1. You same sense of humor as me- otherwise people just think I’m weird. It’s way better having someone to be weird with.
2. You can stay at my house as long as you want, but we could never actually live in the same room. We would end up killing each other. And best friends totally share the same bed, I’m not going to make you sleep on the floor, am I?
3. When we go on road trips, you help me merge onto the expressway, because I still can’t by myself. There are just too many cars. Also on said road trip, you are allowed to fall asleep only after you have attempted to stay awake for at least 10 minutes.
4. You do something crazy together with me, at least once a week. Otherwise life gets dull.
5. You watch crazy amounts of tv and eat crazy amounts of food with me and then complain about consuming all that food, ice cream generally works best in this situation.
6. You go and see all the movies that no one else wants to see, because we have the exact same taste, even the cheesy teen musical ones, because face it, everyone loves them. You don’t laugh at me when I cry at the end of every movie, now you just expect it.
7. We can just sit in silence, even in the car when it’s usually super awkward, because we are perfectly content.
8. When I’m at your house, I call your parents ‘mom’ and ‘dad.’
9. You hear me out, through good and bad. You are patient with me, you are happy for me and you call me out where no one else would. You also tell me when I look gorgeous and you aren’t afraid to tell me to take off that ugly sweater. We share clothes, you don’t even have to ask.
10. When this best friend happens to move 10 hours away, you keep in touch by texting the most random moments of your day to each other, along with pictures, hoping to make the other person laugh more. We send random care packages and letters the old-fashioned way. We talk on the phone, and you are still the person who knows me best, and can finish my sentences, and can guess my next move, because you are my best friend.
Kenzie | October 7, 2011 |
If we haven’t talked in a long time, we don’t catch up, we just start talking about things that are happening right now.
You can make me wear whatever dress you want in your wedding, but I will never stop bragging about how I let eat girl choose their own dress and you looked awesome.
I won’t talk up that book I let you borrow that you never read or returned and probably lost, or just put on your bookshelf so people will think you read it.
Alice | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends must:
- Have a language, shorthand, or other form of communication that causes others to walk away defeated when they attempt to understand it
- Be able to pick out things for each other when shopping
- Buy items with the other person in mind (as in, “___ will probably borrow this, so I definitely should buy it”)
- Listen when the other is ranting, screaming, complaining, etc.
- Be brutally honest whether it be a boyfriend, a booger, or a bad dress
- Love each other while still wanting to kill each other - BFFdom is not a normal relationship, it’s really a marriage.
- Let each other talk about the person that you don’t wanna talk about anymore or know you shouldn’t mention
- Know when to give a hug, booze, or chocolate
- Keep even the most humiliating secrets and/or help concoct the cover-up
- Know secretly that respective boyfriends don’t stand a chance against true BFFdom
Lindsay | October 7, 2011 |
1. Best friends loan you their favorite freakum’ dresses when you’re desperate to impress or out of new clothes and too broke to even shop at Forever 21.
2. Best friends will procrastinate with you during finals or the night before a paper is due because your brains will collectively burst if you don’t talk about WHAT HAPPENED.
3. Best friends will bake you cupcakes (or buy one. not all best friends can be cooks) when you’ve been heartbroken, and they’re one of the few or only people who can still make you laugh when you didn’t think you could.
Liz | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends will refrain from buying the same amazing piece of clothing you already own, unless you’ve previously discussed doing “matchies.”
Bettina | October 7, 2011 |
*Sometimes, you should be the one to hang up the phone. I love you twenty billion since forever, and always will, but I don’t want to feel like a jerk for ending our conversation every time. Don’t worry, I won’t get mad or feel like you don’t want to talk to me, we both have other stuff to do.
*You can be a brat about me not calling you back if it REALLY bugs you, but only for a minute and then drop it. Also, you have to make it amusing and not like you’re really mad. I will do the same in return.
*Whenever we look back on how ridiculous we were, it’s how ridiculous WE were. There was never a time when I had awful taste and you didn’t, or you plastered little pictures of Brad Pitt cut out from magazines all over your Pepto-pink wall and I wasn’t really obsessed with him. We laugh at us, together. Oh, and we’re both awesome now.
*If you sleep with the window open even though I told you it makes me freeze to death every morning and not want to get out of bed, I’ll suck it up and add more blankets and put my clothes under the covers with me to warm up like I did in Girl Scout camp. In return, you will let me use your extra blankets and sweaters at all times.
*If you like to leave the TV or music on when you leave so you have music or TV-people to come home to, I can turn them off after you’re gone as long as I turn them back on before you get home, and neither one of us is allowed to be annoyed by this ritual. Our home is our happy place.
*If my boyfriend sleeps over, there will be no sex, even if you are asleep and snoring super-loudly. But if you come home and I take extra long getting to the door, you will act like it’s totally normal and the guy and I were just hanging out.
*If you have friends who hate me, or I have friends who can’t stand you, we don’t talk about them, and we only tell them good things about each other.
*We should leave each other little notes and gifty-things for no particular reason and without mentioning it.
*We aren’t allowed to be embarrassed by each other in public- we are, however, allowed and encouraged to get embarrassing together.
*Don’t worry, I won’t tell your mom.
PHillaine | October 7, 2011 |
Your iPhone charger is my iPhone charger.
Lindsay | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends will be your buffer, without needing to be asked, at all family and work events.
Bettina | October 7, 2011 |
A few unspoken bff rules:
1. When we travel together, which we will because we’re bffs, we are not allowed to leave each other alone, we have to stick together and not get sick of one another. It is only until after said travel time/vacation in which we are aloud to ignore each other entirely. Or we could have a sleepover and watch a bunch of movies the next day, it depends.
2. When you find my older sibling attractive, in my case older brother, be honest about it, because I will know before you tell me anyways. And as long as you don’t pursue them/him without my blessing, we’re cool.
3. It is your right 100% to say “I told you so” when you did in fact tell me so. I will do the same, so we’re even.
4. Always tell me when I’m making a mistake in your opinion, I may not follow your advice, but I know you have my back when you put your allegiance to my often skeptical decisions on the line.
5. I don’t care if I’m asleep or in severe pain, if you need me to come get you from somewhere, I will come get you. If you need to stay at my house, my door will be open.
6. I know we’re best friends and we see each other everyday, but you should totally respond to at least my messages and phone calls, you can ignore everyone else’s if that’s your thing. But me? Dude, I’m important!
7. I will let you know when your bra is showing because I don’t care how big of a trend it is, I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you, you deserve better.
8. I’m depending on you, as you depend on me, to not make a fool of myself all the time. Let me know when I’m being an idiot and I’ll explain that joke to you when you don’t understand. Vice versa and etc.
9. When I’m depressed and make a cake, it’s your job to help me eat it, otherwise I’ll eat the whole thing myself, and that’s just sad.
10. We will respectfully quote things we only understand and not care when people stare at us like we’re aliens speaking a foreign tongue. We’re bffs, it’s normal people.
11. Unwillingly, let me rant to you for hours, and if you want tell me what you have to say. Don’t let me talk about myself forever though, otherwise I’ll never get to hear what YOU want to rant about!
12. I know you’re my bff, but I’ll still keep tabs on if you owe me money, not to be a jerk but just to be fair. I’ll pay for you sometimes expecting nothing, and you can do the same too. We can share funds, but we can’t survive off each other.
13. If I correct your grammar, don’t take it personally, I’m just too into grammar and feel the need to share it with you. If I say slang improperly, dude, let me know! You’re the street smart, I’m the book smart.
14. By all means, tell me when I’m foolishly head over heels for someone who is not even worth it. I’ll think you’re being a poop at first, but then thank you later.
15. Let me know when something I’m wearing is a faux pas, but don’t hinder my sense of style in the process. I’m totally wearing a bow tie and suspenders despite what you said!
I’m sure I could think of more if I tried, but this is a good start!
Katie young | October 7, 2011 |
I thought of another one, based on life:
16. As my bff, you will allow me to hold, hmmm no clutch* on to your shirt when we’re in the mosh pit at a concert that I only went to as a favor to you because I’m your bff, and I’m afraid that I am LITERALLY going to die if we are separated because I’ve never been in a mosh pit this rowdy before. And when I rip said shirt because I’m pulling on it for dear life as people are shoving me, kicking me in the face as they crowd surf, you will point out that it already has another rip and the new one just adds more character. You know, when something like this MAYBE happens!
Katie young | October 8, 2011 |
Best friends will basically co-host all of your parties, formal dinners, and miscellaneous social events.
Bettina | October 7, 2011 |
Beyond the obvious rights and responsibilities related to honesty, forthrightness and the sharing of clothing, I would like to nominate the following critical best friend rights and responsibilities:
(Responsibility) Number One. Best friends must respond to text messages and/or telephone calls in a timely fashion, because they realize that a lack of response will be interpreted as reason to fear that said best friend has died, has been dismembered, or is otherwise dangerously incapacitated. (Best friends will also understand that this irrational anxiety is rooted in love.)
(Responsibility & Right) Number Two. Best friends will be responsible to send good, old fashioned care packages, letters and/or post cards when they move to distant provinces or states (WHAT is the pull of the stupid west coast?) and will be up for visits at any given moment, but will also understand that plane tickets are darn expensive. Best friends also have a right to expect snail mail when they move, and can know that there will always be space for them, if they decide to come home for a visit.
(Responsibility) Number Three. Best friends must be willing to watch (and discuss) Anne of Green Gables and Gilmore Girls repeatedly. Constantly. Without ceasing. (Debating the merits of Dean versus Jess, or the horribleness of Digger, will never get old.)
(Responsibility & Right) Number Four. Best friends will post comments on even the most trivial and unexciting blog posts as if they contained information that mattered. Best friends can expect that the same reverent attention will be applied to their own blogs.
(Right) Number Five. Best friends have the right to expect that at their weddings, and on their birthdays, and on other such important events, they will always be number one. Their happiness will outstrip everything else. (Best friends also have a right to extreme gratitude for those days when they’ve put up with unparalleled degrees of self-absorption.)
(Responsibility & Right) Number Six. Best friends will trash each other’s enemies, nemeses and terrible roommates, and the new girlfriends or wives of ex-boyfriends and crushes, relentlessly.
(Responsibility & Right) Number Seven. Best friends will always seek the best for each other: you know, editing resumes and job applications, sending links for new jobs, reminding each other of how awesome they are, trashing dumb men, and that kind of thing.
kerry | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends will indulge your hypochondriac fantasies.
Bettina | October 7, 2011 |
Best Friends can pickup a conversation right away even if you haven’t seen them in months.
Best Friends can make you laugh through anything.
Adam | October 7, 2011 |
*When I buy a book, you must too…we are our own little book club
*When we are separate and we have a great dinner, on the next phone conversation we must describe the restaurant and food in detail…after all we are food critics
*When we have a bad day or bad occurrence, we must quickly think of a pun or joke to lighten the situation
*No matter how much we love our significant others, boys will always be dumber than us
*If something happens on Facebook or twitter that completely amazes or makes us laugh hysterically, it is essential we text or call each other immediately to discuss
*Your favorite new beauty product is on my shopping list
*All foreign or independent movies must be seen at our favorite movie theater (of course the place that allows us to buy a bottle of Cabernet)
*Judgement will be delivered on boyfriends but after you’ve had a drink
Stephanie | October 7, 2011 |
You will consistently supply my beverage of choice (alcoholic or non) at your place of residence when I’m planning on coming over to experience some “girl talk” (which may include, but is not limited to: “try on all your makeup and clothing” / “cry about a boy” / “dish the latest gossip” / “watch our favorite guilty pleasure television show” / “complain about my job” / “share details about a date with boy #2″ / “commiserate about the U.S. debt crisis” / “reminisce about our childhoods” / “swap horrible online dating stories about boy #3″ / “extreme fits of laughter”/ etc.).
Bonus points if you have said beverage on hand 24/7 for “extreme emergencies”…or whenever I feel like dropping by to say hi.
LD | October 7, 2011 |
BFF Rights
If you really need to do your laundry, and do not having the appliances to do so, you are invited to my house, or I will go to the laundry-mat with you… no one should have to be at a creepy laundry-mat alone.
1) I’ll do the driving because I’m scared when I ride in the car with you (and am just a better driver), but I won’t make you feel bad about your lack of driving skills.
2) If you are hungover in bed and literally can’t move, I will drive to your house and bring you food if necessary.
3) If we go out together clubbing, I will never leave you there by yourself/I will find a way to get you home, and it won’t be with some creep who has been staring at you all night. Absolutely, end of story.
4) Neither of us will ever be the “one upper,” because no one likes someone who constantly brags and brings others down. And if I am acting like I’m better than everyone else, you have the right to bring me back down to reality.
5) If you are having a break down, I’ll be there with tissues, and your favorite candy. I will sit and listen to you moan about how much you miss Colby, and how you aren’t over it as many times as it takes.
6) In college: if we live together, I will not bail out on find some other sketch roommate who I don’t even really know, and leave you in the dust.
7) We can share a cart at any store, unless we are buying crazy amounts of stuff. (ex: Target for Missoni, we would have used separate carts).
9) I understand that you don’t like sports, and really have no idea what in the world I’m talking about, but I appreciate that you still listen to me moan about how the Browns aren’t making enough free agent moves to make it to the playoffs.
10) If we are driving to the same place, we carpool. Why would we use 2 cars, plus then we can gossip on the ride there. Double win!
Sarah | October 7, 2011 |
I will always assist you in pursuing whatever guy you have your eye on. I will go to silly and ridiculous lengths to help you achieve this goal, even if it is totally unrealistic. You hear Brad Pitt is eating at that restaurant while he’s in town filming a movie and want to stalk him there? I am GAME. See a guy in the VIP section of a club in Vegas? I will encourage you to send him a bottle. No guy is too good, too hot, too educated for you. There is no such thing as out of your league because you are awesome and fantastic. And I will tell you this, because I am here for your self esteem. And we will laugh about chasing guys while eating burgers at 3 a.m., giddy, drunk, and full of failure but having had an adventure. Love you, besties!
Lisa | October 7, 2011 |
*When you’re feeling insecure about boy troubles, it’s totally okay for me to ask if you’re on your period.
*If your father is a DILF, I have no right to point it out.
*If I fart during our Skype date you must immediately assume it was a just a technical glitch.
Madonna | October 7, 2011 |
i will let you tell everyone that you’re the mary but we all know that i’m the mary and youre the rhoda
i will listen to u talk about the guy u hook up with who has a baby hand but i will not eat at the same table as him ever again
i will buy u a pack of newports for when i pick u up at the airport but i will not wait for u to smoke it curbside
u can make me wake up early 2 go w/ u to get an emergency passport replacement but u have 2 buy me mcd’s breakfast when we r done
you can have me book/pay for our hotel in vegas and then pay me back in drinks and buffets.
Kate | October 7, 2011 |
BBFs have access to each other’s 3pm snack, even if eater is the sort that refuses to share food.
nicole s. | October 7, 2011 |
WE CAN TELL EACH OTHER REALLY EMBARRASSING THINGS AND THERE WILL BE NO JUDGEMENT. Nearly had a drunken three-way? It’s ok, I don’t think less of you. Accidentally posted a naked picture of yourself onto Facebook? Oh you; you do the darnedest things sometimes, but I definitely don’t think you’re a crazy slut.
YOU WILL KILL SPIDERS FOR ME. Because, holy shit, there is a huge black one on my ceiling and I’m really afraid it’s going to crawl into my mouth while I’m sleeping and lay its eggs in my nasal cavities.
BREAKUPS REQUIRE… Booze, ice cream, scream-singing Kelly Clarkson songs in the car, inspiring mix CDs, watching endless amounts of rom-coms, esp. “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail.”
WE SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE. It’s totally kosher to speak in pop culture quotes, even if it alienates others. We totally hate it when some dumb girl who is for some reason hanging out with us is all, “Umm I don’t know that reference. I don’t own a TV…” Ohhhh no you DIDN’T just play that card, bitch! Bitch, you don’t know my life! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! What I need from you… is a hundred thousand dollars. This is a cash only line. Virgania Horsen’s Pony Express!
EXERCISE. If we are feeling like fatsos after a night of sitting on the couch watching old Katherine Hepburn movies and killing a whole cheese pizza, the solution is: find a video on YouTube that teaches you the dance moves to a Beyonce song. The result: cardio workout + feelin’ (Sasha) fierce.
SPEAKING OF DANCING… When, say, the King of Pop suddenly and most tragically passes away, there is only one thing to do: Throw a dance party in his honor in your small apartment living-room . Whether you perform a moving reenactment of Willy the Orca whale escaping to free waters is up to you.
Allie | October 7, 2011 |
when someone calls my bestie’s name i look too.
gabby | October 7, 2011 |
1. I will talk on the phone with you during traffic (on a hands free bluetooth headset of course) about pointless drabble until you get home.
2. I will dedicate stupid songs to you on the “After Hours with Delilah” radio show using our secret code names (Midge and Skipper)
3. I will secretly sneak in your favorite flowers, candy, clothing size, and ring size in random conversations with your boyfriend.
4. I will buy tupperware, sex toys, handbags, jewelry, makeup or kitchen items from you whenever you have a hosting party.
5. I will never reply “Maybe” to your Facebook invitations because I know how much it drives you crazy!
6. Sunday Target adventures must happen at least once a month.
7. I don’t mind if you say you don’t want to share your dessert.
Kimberly | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends will lie to exes and frenemies at weddings about how great you’re doing and looking when they know you’re actually having a pretty rough time right now.
Best friends will take a break from work to check your outfit via emailed or texted pictures when you’re freaking out about having to see someone you used to date at a mutual friend’s party.
Best friends will make sure you know about sales, events, and jobs related to your interests by forwarding them immediately. Best friends will proofread your cover letter and resume at midnight after hours of their own work, because they want you to succeed and be happy. Best friends will encourage your career aspirations while helping you maintain realistic about your goals.
Best friends, in the terrible event of your death, will maintain composure long enough to wipe your browsing history and social media so your Facebook page won’t turn into one of those weird memorials and your mom won’t see inappropriate things you’ve written or sites you’ve been on.
Best friends know to tell your future fiance how you once lost your most prized possession, a ring that belonged to your grandmother, and if he wants to propose he can do no better than to replicate it.
melissa | October 7, 2011 |
I thought I posted this but I didn’t see it so sorry if this is a double post!
Good friends don’t judge you. Best friends do embarrassing things with you.
Best friends will never point out that you ate way too many of the cookies you both baked.
Best friends will dream with you about the apartment you’re going to share someday when you’re older.
Best friends will let you sing as loud as you want in the car without pointing out how off-key you are.
Best friends can make fun of your celebrity crush, but only if they camp out with you to see him when he comes to town.
Taylor | October 7, 2011 |
Best Friend Rules and Regulations: Part Deux
1. I will let you complain about your parents, boyfriends, annoying roommates, shitty other friends etc without passing harsh judgements just in case those said people become awesome in your mind at some point in the future.
1a. Unless of course they fuck you over. Then I reserve the right to not only pass judgement, but to write a cryptic Facebook status or two about said fucking over.
2. I will support you 4000% in every decision that you make, as long as it doesn’t involve you doing something stupid. Then, we’re going to have a frank discussion over a cup of tea, or vodka tonic, about stupid decisions and why we shouldn’t make them.
3. I will choose to sit around on a Friday night, watching rom coms and eating the cupcakes we just made together when you feel like shit, even if I was planning on going to the bar and making a bad decision with that guy that I thought winked at me but really just had something in his eye but I would go home with him anyway because, hey, he’s cute, I’m alone and I really do want to snoop around someone elses’ medicine cabinet for a change. I will give that up for you, because you are my best friend and I know you’d do the same for me. Besides, we’re most likely going to be watching Ryan Reynolds or some other piece of man meat run around trying to woo Kate Hudson, so that’s fine by me.
4. I will never, ever date your brother. You will never, ever date MY brother. We’re close enough at this point that it should feel weird for you to even think about it. Plus, they’re so gross. Why would you want to?
5. Exboyfriends are off limits.
5a. Unless there is explicit permission to allow dating them.
5b. And even then, it’s undoubtedly going to be uncomfortable if you or I date an ex, so if it REALLY has to happen, keep it on the dl.
6. I will do anything for you. I know that I sometimes begrudgingly drag myself out of bed to pick you up from the train station at 4 in the morning when you need it, but if I didn’t come at all, you really shouldn’t be friends with me because I’m a shitty person for leaving you there. So whether it’s picking you up from the airport or pouring you into my good ol’ Volvo station wagon after you’ve had too much to drink, I will be there for you, 100%.
7. I will sit with you at all of our high school reunions and make fun of all the stupid bitches we went to school with. Enough said.
8. I will let you borrow anything of mine, even though I know that it will take 4-6 months for me to get anything back. Except for my sequin dress. That’s off limits and you know it.
9. When I meet your new boyfriends, I won’t tell embarrassing stories from when we were in middle school and you were in my basement and you were….well, I just won’t tell it. I’ll save that for your 10th anniversary party.
10. When you get married, I will be your maid of honor and you will be mine. Trust me, my sister knows she doesn’t hold that position anymore.
And last, but certainly not least…
11. I depend on you to make sure I don’t ever turn into a dick. Keep me grounded and sane, and I’ll do the same for you. You’re my best friend, but I will lock you in a closet for an hour if you start to get all real housewives of new jersey on me.
Genna | October 7, 2011 |
As your best friend:
- I will risk my reputation to Facebook friend your crush for stalking purposes
- I will be on call at all hours of the day so that you can call or text me when: (1) you happen to be eating lunch alone (2) you need to avoid an awkward run-in (especially with an ex)
- when making brownies or cupcakes, I will double the recipe and deliver you a batch in a timely fashion
- I will hide or steal your oh-so-comfy pair of sweatpants from high school that you refuse to get rid of
- I will incessantly call/text your cell phone to harass anyone that may be in possession of it if you lose it
Arti | October 7, 2011 |
i will get on a bar and dance to ‘pour some sugar on me’ because you’ve always wanted that t shirt. and i will always push our friends up there with us.
i will always let you tell me about how amazing your boyfriend and life is, despite mine falling apart.
i will always catch you when you fall, and we will laugh together on the ground, covered in god knows what.
i will always bring over dessert, knowing that whenever i come over, you will feed me.
i will always answer your skype call, regardless of being in the library or in my underwear (video off til i find a sweater).
i will always quote gone with the wind with you, knowing there really isn’t anyone quite like rhett butler.
i will always remember the awesome times we’ve had, and forget the bad.
naomi | October 7, 2011 |
1. You must inform the BFF of any unnoticed physical issues: spinach in teeth, bra strap showing, or toilet paper stuck to shoe.
2. You must get excited about upcoming job opportunities the BFF has. But if the BFF does not get the job, you must remind the BFF that they were way more awesome than that lousy employment trap disguising itself as an opportunity, anyway.
3. In the event of a bad breakup, you must provide the BFF with following: company, cupcakes, ice cream, fruity wine, and a funny but not-too-romantic movie (such as Zoolander).
4. If you meet someone who is totally the BFF’s type, introductions are required. Preferably before they move to another city.
5. In the event that you’re separated by distance, Facebook wall comments and status “likes” are not enough. Long novel-length emails and regularly scheduled phone calls are required.
Most Importantly: The BFF must never judge.
Alli | October 7, 2011 |
1- Anything that you leave at my house I get to use at free will until you come back to claim it. Including clothing, shoes, bags, movies, products. The only exception is really expensive beauty products (because I don’t always use the recommend “dime size” amount) and very special jewelry that means more to you than anything else. But EVERYTHING else is fair game! And vice versa, of course!
2- We cannot go a whole week without some sort of a single bit of communication. A whole 7 days without a single phone call? Text? Email? Smoke signal? Not acceptable. Unless, you or I are tucked away on some remote little corner of the earth where even snail mail is not happening.
3- We will indulge each other in dissecting EVERY little thing he says or does that makes us wonder if he likes us. But, we will also be the voice of reason to keep ourselves in check to not get all mixed in and caught up in some two-bit loser that is the equivalent of white bread .
4- You are the one and only person who can call me out on my attitude. If I am being a brat, you can state as such. And I am only allowed to be mad about that for 24 hours. But you can only pull the “brat card” if I am truly a brat, not if you are just cranky.
5- We are each others support system. We motivate each other. If you are having one of those mornings where you just want to stay in bed all morning but you have a million things that NEED to be done today, I will be that driving force, whatever it takes to get you going. And then I will schedule a lazy day and will talk to you about how wonderful it will be once you get everything done that you need to.
6- Whether I leave the tip this time or you took care of the tax last time, it doesn’t make. We will just call it even.
7- You have to love my family, and accept them. And I promise to do the same for you. After all, being BF’s is practically like being family.
8- When we go shopping we don’t need to stay by each other the whole time. But we still shop for each other. We know each others size and taste and pick accordingly to what we think the other would like.
9- I will be your wing man. Boss’s picnic, distant friend’s wedding, weird art event that cute boy invited you too. I will show up and be present. And will actively claim the role at “the strange one” so you will look and feel better about yourself. But I do expect the favor to be given back when the time calls for it.
10- If you know that I am currently “cruising the crimson wave” you will be my 24/7 butt checker to make sure it’s all good in da hood for 5-7 days!
11- We will be patient and ride out each others moods. If one of us are in a mood for a little too long, the other individual is allowed at 2-3 day break with no contact. That time will be used by both of us to reflect and better ourselves. Then we go for cupcakes, no negotiation on that.
12- We must be able to laugh at and with each other. And can bring up embarrassing things about the other one, but only presenting it in the most loving and endearing way.
13- As your best friend I will NEVER allow you to get baby bangs (No! they do not make you look French, they make you look a psychotic toddler got a little too close with scissors) I will go with you to the DMV so you don’t have to go to the worst place ever for countless hours all alone. I will sincerely attempt to like the people you like. I will take you or pick you up from the airport no matter the crazy hour. And if you need go and it is my last piece, I will let you have it.
A. kula | October 7, 2011 |
As a best friend when you are running late, I will criticize you a little bit, but then ask why your morning was terrible.
I will have your number memorized until you die, while this seems unimportant, I will have it on hand, so when you forget it and you see that really great guy in the cafe and absolutely need to give your number out, I will have your back, digits ready.
I will pick you up at 3 in the morning when your wasted at a bar, the only stipulation to this is, you know the name of the bar, or the general area. You will do the same for me.
We will paint each others nails (yes, both finger and toe) until one of us croaks, its just what friends do.
No matter how stinky one of us is, we will cuddle, especially after getting the shit scared out of us from a new Halloween movie.
I will always be ready to feed you, it’s okay, you don’t have to admit to me that you’ve been eating ramen the past 3 days, just let me take care of your tummy, no shame needed.
Being best friends means when you are acting stupid or say something wrong in public, I will defend your honor, no matter how stupid you look and no matter how wrong you are, I will always have your back. (And if you get too stupid, I will let you
know in a nice way.)
You will always have a Celine Dion CD in your car, for those moments when I just need you and her in the car, with the windows rolling down. When I am sad you will cheer me up in this way or a variation (Adele, has been a pretty useful CD this year for this purpose)
As a friend I will make you try new things even if you don’t think bell peppers, you will try them and hopefully like them. And I will try new things for you.
My last stipulation, you will stop me when I have the urge to drop a couple hundred bucks at Target or any coinciding store. You will help me repress the urge as I will help you.
Erica Lane | October 7, 2011 |
“he’s probably just busy” should always be in your vocabulary. also, “let’s go eat food”.
Suzanna | October 7, 2011 |
1. if you are driving, i will automatically assume dj responsibilities (that best suits your mood, not mine, though they are almost always the same) AND i will buy the diet cokes from mcdonalds… gas isnt free.
2. you will let me cook my favorite meal for us, and i will let you cook your favorite meal, bc we all know you can’t make mac n cheese like i can, and i can’t make that weird mexican thing like you can
3. we will trade off getting up to put the friends or arrested development dvds in, and we will trade off who gets to pick the season/disc.
4. you won’t force me to go to the grocery with you.
5. surprise visits at work should happen once a month (most of my friends and i have lame enough jobs that this is acceptable)
6. when i pass out at your house bc we were out at bar trivia, or bc we were watching weeds on demand, you will either let me borrow your toothbrush, or have an extra one there for me
7. we will not judge each other when we are hungover and have the ability to eat the entire menu from jack in the box
Nat | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends have a right to tell you when you look shitty, but they must take you out shopping so that you no longer look that way.
Alessandra Rizzotti | October 7, 2011 |
You have the right to physically discipline my children if and when you are asked to babysit for free (a responsibility of the best friend). Even though they haven’t been born yet, my children know that a spanking from you is like a spanking from me, and they will not behave like shitheads when I’m not around.
You have the responsibility to take care of me when I’ve had too much to drink and am acting afool, even though you are most likely just as drunk as me and I’m killing your buzz. Sorry in advance.
We can completely neglect each other with no repercussions. You’re at work, I know you’re busy. I have a lot going on in my social life and haven’t had time to call. Weeks have gone by and we haven’t spoken. You don’t bother asking if I’m mad at you. Don’t be silly. If I was mad you’d know it and you would be calling me nonstop to tell me why you were right. When we finally do call, there is no ridiculous “I miss you!” or “It’s been so long.” No, no. Just cut to the chase. What did that girl say to you? How much was that dress? He asked if he could WHAT?
AmY | October 7, 2011 |
1) I will eat your homemade sugar free ice cream and pretend it’s a worthwhile dessert since you can’t eat sugar anymore. (The same goes for the sugar free chocolate chip cookies.)
2) I will address all 200 of your wedding invitations.
3) I will plan to run a half marathon with you and print out the training schedule (but we won’t actually do it).
4) I will tell you the guy that rejected you has a watermelon head and swear that he’s ugly (even though he is hottest guy at school).
5) I will always send you a birthday card.
Maria | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends should ALWAYS remember to revel in the fact that you are the two most sane, loving and amazing people in the world & should use this to defend you at all times and at all costs. Most importantly, best friends should always remember that it’s you & them against the world. One laugh at a time:)
Samah | October 7, 2011 |
(Mine didn’t post… so I’m going to take a chance and try again. I realize this could make me look like a jerk, but I want a chance at a book, so!)
If I tell you I’m wearing heels to an event, you will not show up in flip-flops and jeans. If they’re going to be over- or under-dressed, best friends will at least be over- or under-dressed together.
Best friends allow one another at least one horribly wrongheaded night out per year. For example, if I invite you to a play about the history of opera that turns out to be an avant-garde Spanish production about castrati it will not be mentioned again until it’s gone from “awkward” to “funny shared experience”. Alternatively, if the party you suggested we attend for homecoming (best friends are always ready to relive college days) turns out to be 99% undergrads who started after we graduated, I will not complain or show how depressing this is and will merely suggest splitting a cab home. Unless you make a habit of it.
Best friends don’t let best friends’ tweets go un-retweeted.
Julie | October 7, 2011 |
We will spend so much time together that we will unintentionally appropriate each other’s one-liners, favorite phrases, and general cadence. Upon realizing that we’ve done this we will whole-heatedly love it.
ER | October 7, 2011 |
- If you ever meet that coworker I always complain about, you must find any reason to also hate them.
- If we ever run into an ex and he’s out with another girl, you must find any reason to make fun of her behind her back.
- You don’t have to say anything if my outfit or hair looks bad but ALWAYS say something when it looks good. I would do the same for you!!
- If we had every intention to go out but at the last minute decide to stay in and watch a movie instead, that’s totally cool. Who wants to meet their future husband at a bar, anyway?
- You get free dibs on any magazines I’ve finished reading and vice versa.
- First comments on your new blog are from me and vice versa.
- We can regift the same bottle of wine back and forth, that’s totally cool, because we will share it eventually anyway.
- You can always borrow $10 if you need a spot, because that stuff will balance out eventually anyway.
- If I attend a party that you decided not to attend, I will only let you know the bad stuff that happened, and text you immediately if someone wore, said or did something particularly awful.
- I will always be down for brunch. ALWAYS.
Kate in SB | October 7, 2011 |
1)When you are angry I will talk to your mom and you will talk to mine. Since we get along with each others mothers better than our own it’s a good way of keeping them informed while still being passive aggressive.
2)I will always care about the guys you have a crush on whether it is that guy from work or Ryan Gosling. He could be your next boyfriend or potentially your husband. (I hope it’s Ryan Gosling too.)
3) I will love your kids like they are my own. I must be given full permission to discipline them like you would and spoil them in ways you would never indulge.
4)Yes, I am available to babysit, even if you only give me an hours notice. Unless I have a work thing or plans that were made a week in advance, but if it were an emergency I would quit my job to be there.
5) There is nothing too embarrassing, weird, or personal for us to talk about or make fun of each other for, it’s kinda the best thing about us.
6)Do not touch radio in my car or mess with the way I have my books and movies organized, you know how serious I am about those things.
7)You don’t LOVE baseball and I don’t like any other sport but we will always fake interest and excitement during home-runs, touchdowns, and slam-dunks for each others favorite team. Some lighthearted teasing is always allowed.
8)No matter how inconceivable, unrealistic, or impossible your dreams seem I will always support you as you follow them, and you do the same for me. We will also be there to pull each other back to reality when we realize that not all dreams come true.
9)I will never keep tabs on how much money I’ve spent on lunches, movies, and gas for you because we do it for each other so often its probably even. But if I lend you $100 or more it is your responsibility to pay me back in a timely manner, I’ve got bills too.
10)If you are going out of town you must let me know. As my best friend you are on retainer for any advice I may need at anytime. But if I know that you and your boyfriend are going to see his parents I can probably decide whether to watch The Labyrinth or Shaun of the Dead on my own.
11)I accept that when I cook anything-pizza, cookies, salad, a sandwich- you will eat half of it. I also accept that I can never do that back to you because you can’t cook. Its good to know that at least one of us has that necessary skill of survival.
12) I reserve right to say no to going to anything where you are the only person that I know and you know everyone else. You have the right to gloat about the fact that I had a good time at the thing where you are the only person that I know.
13) When you are scared, angry, happy, sick, or anything in between I am available to discuss it, even at 3am on a Tuesday, and if it is necessary I make house calls.
14)If we move away from each other it is our responsibility to stay part of each others lives. I don’t wanna find out that you got married, had kids, got divorced, etc. on Facebook, I deserve better than that . Constant communication through calls, emails, texts, even a good old fashioned letter would work
15)There is no one on this Earth, except maybe your parents, that will ever know you as long or as well as I do. Even if you move across the world and that girl at your new job reminds you of me always remember that she is not. Also I never want to meet her (that bitch).
Mary | October 7, 2011 |
You don’t care if I wear my “mainstream” Target clothes to your favorite trendy, hipster coffee shop.
2) I will go with you to that awful hipster coffee shop. Grudgingly. And only for their pumpkin muffins. And the latte art.
Mia Wrightson | October 7, 2011 |
You don’t think I’m weird for sleeping in an extra long Lil Wayne t-shirt. In fact, you bought it for me at Salvation Army.
I will drive to 3 different gas stations with you to find a coca-cola flavored slushie.
Mia Wrightson | October 7, 2011 |
- If at any point during Thanksgiving Break there is a Law & Order marathon (there will be), you will abandon all plans and spend the day watching the USA network with me and talking about how Mariska Hargitay is a fucking badass.
- You allow me to hashtag things in texts, emails, verbal conversations, etc because I think it’s funny. #iamadouchebag
- You will be my friend even though I am a spelling/grammar freak. Hey, old habits die hard. California State Spelling Bee REPRESENT.
- I can leave my mouthguard-style retainer in when we talk and you still understand me. And you don’t judge me for getting a gold retainer because I thought it would look like a grill. (It doesn’t. I still look like a 21-year-old with adult braces and a retainer.)
Mia Wrightson | October 7, 2011 |
Best friends recommend quality films to you, like The Change Up (with Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds), but mistakenly and continuously call it The Catch Up. Even though they are the ones boasting about the movie to you, which you haven’t yet seen, you keep having to remind them the movie they want you to see is so badly is The CHANGE Up.
Whitney Soup | October 7, 2011 |
I know you just had all 4 wisdom teeth pulled and are bored to death at home. So, it is your right, even though your breath smells heinous and I will have to be in close enough proximity to it to be thoroughly nauseated, to play beautician and wax my upper lip to ease your boredom.
Nicole T. | October 8, 2011 |
1. I will always be on your side, even if you’re wrong. Even if I don’t agree with your choices, you can count on me to stand beside you proudly even if you are wearing leggings as pants.
2. When I say I’ll pay you back, I really will. Okay, so maybe I “forget” my wallet sometimes when I meet my mom for lunch, but I swear I will never do that to you. If I tell you I left my wallet in my other purse when the bill comes, I really did leave my wallet in my other purse, and I will pay you back as soon as I can.
3. When I win cupcakes for a year, I will share them with you. There’s no way I could have eaten a dozen cupcakes every week for 52 weeks by myself anyway. And this way, this time next year I will not have to join Weight Watchers alone.
4. I will not judge you when your bitchy side comes out. Know that when you are around me, you can talk as much shit as you want about whoever you want and I will not think any less of you. Go ahead and be your meanest - I will not judge you. It stays between us.
5. I will defend you when others talk shit about you in front of me. I can make fun of you all I want, but when someone else calls you a slut, it’s on. Even if you are a slut, and even if it happens when I’m hanging out with a group of cool hipsters who I desperately hope will accept me and follow me on Tumblr. I will make sure they know that you are my best friend and that they can suck it.
6. I will not steal your celebrity crush… unless I saw him first. Just as we should not crush on the same real life boys, our celebrity crushes are also off limits. That way, in the unlikely event that the three of us do find ourselves in a bar with Zac Efron, things won’t get awkward. Unless you decide you’re in love with Justin Bieber, in which case I don’t care if I’m 22 and he’s 17. I will fight you.
7. I will make inappropriate jokes at the wrong times in an effort to make you feel better. I agree to be the ass who cracks jokes at a funeral if it will make you laugh. I will endure the dirty looks only for you, best friend, because we both know it’s never too soon to make jokes.
8. I will share my happiness with you. We need our best friends most when times are hard, but nobody wants to feel like they are being used only for their consolation skills. I promise to tell you first about anything good that happens to me so we can share the joy even before I post it on Twitter if you promise to do the same.
9. I will not use you as friendship eHarmony. I understand that you are not a matchmaking service and that when you introduce your friends to me, I am only to like them enough to make you happy and never more than I like you. And I definitely won’t make plans to hang out with them without you, even if you say you’re okay with it.
10. I will do things I don’t want to do to make you happy. And I will not complain about it either - well, not a lot. Even if it means accompanying you to The Club (which I hate) to hear your favorite country band (which I really hate) because you need someone to go with. And when Bubba behind me knocks into me and spills beer down my dress, I will smile and thank him for cooling me down, because it was hot in there.
NIcole Pomarico | October 8, 2011 |
You will answer THAT call; the one where you glance down and your Best Friend Radar starts beeping immediately because you just know something is wrong. You’ll listen to me as I tell you about the guy who just broke my heart/my health scare/the family member who just passed away. You’ll stay on the phone with me for as long as it takes. It doesn’t matter that you’re on the other side of the world and it’s four in the morning/whispering at work/stuck in the basement during a tornado warning. During the conversation, you’ll make me laugh just when I thought laughing was impossible. When we hang up, I’ll feel better. And, loved
Katie | October 8, 2011 |
Sharing a Netflix account and not completely making fun of each other when suggestion categories like “girl power movies for 8 -12 year olds” appear.
Retweeting or liking funny things the other posts on twitter or Facebook within seconds so other people will get the hint that she’s hilarious.
Spending a snowed in night watching back to back Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Brianna Wallace, please.
Posting photos of each other on the Internet when wearing an especially cute outfit or when you’re having a extremely pretty day.
Going to the grocery store with the sole intention of getting candy and cheesy bread.
Having a Mean Girls themed Halloween party complete with toaster strudel and hot dogs.
Taylor russell | October 8, 2011 |
It is the responsibility of a best friend to love you just the same when you move to the opposite coast. It doesn’t matter where you are, and it doesn’t matter that you miss each other every day. You want what’s best for each other and you take comfort in knowing you’ll be on the same coast again one day.
Alex | October 8, 2011 |
Best friends have the right to learn all the good gossip before anyone else does… even if it means I have to keep it a secret for over an hour.
Best friends are responsible for assuring me that no one will remember my drunken off-key version of “Kiss Me” … preformed at 1:38am and directed towards the awkward middle aged man I decided was my soulmate under the fog of 2 Long Island Iced Teas.
Best friends deserve to have me become absolutely indignantly angry on their behalf.
Best friends console you at the first tear, mock you at the first whiff of douchebaggery, and always notice that you had 1/8th of an inch trimmed off the bottom of your hair.
Bre | October 8, 2011 |
1. We can talk about poop. If we cannot talk about poop, periods, or any other variety of embarrassing bodily topics, you probably are not my best friend. And yes, I want to know about your bowl movements. That way, I won’t feel bad when talking about mine. Nothing is TMI.
2. You will spend some phone conversations listening to me ramble the entire time. I may go on and on about mundane details for hours. If you choose to zone out, that’s fine. But please have a pertinent response ready when it’s your turn to speak. I, in turn, promise to do the same.
3. I promise to keep any secret that you explicitly tell me not to tell anyone. If this distinction is not made, I cannot be held responsible for sharing stories with mutual friends. Even secret agents label things they want to keep Top Secret.
4. I will be supportive of your decisions, no matter how stupid I think they are. If you want to date a guy that is obviously not good for you, I will support your decision. If you want to take him back after he breaks your heart, I will be happy as long as you are happy. However, if you take him back a second and third time, I reserve the right to stop being supportive. I will keep my mouth shut on the topic until you ask for my opinion, but you, in turn, are not allowed to get mad about receiving the opinion that you asked for.
5. I will be there when you’re down. Dropping everything to come to your side will be reserved only for those heartbreaking, earth-shattering occasions, but even on a cloudy day, I’m still just a phone call away.
6. You will forever be the coolest chic I know and I will forever be the coolest chic you know. It’s not narcissism, it’s destiny. Everyone needs a biggest fan and I am happy to be yours.
MichelleShea | October 8, 2011 |
*A best friend will not ask questions when you show up with a small, stitched up gash and give her that “I really don’t want to talk about it right now” look.
*A best friend will spend an hour and a half with you trying on glasses at Lenscrafters so that you are sure to find the perfect tortoiseshell frames that are not to light nor too dark; frames that don’t make your face look too fat or accentuate your pointy chin; and that don’t make you look too much like a hipster or an old lady.
*A best friend will wait with you in your favorite chinese restaurant’s bathroom after you take the pregnancy test you just bought.
*A best friend will go canvassing door to door with you for a political cause/candidate you believe in, even after it starts to hail.
*A best friend will drive you to the train station and keep you company before you board and begin your new life in a new city.
*A best friend will wake up in the middle of the night and take you the the emergency room and not freak out when they perform a battery of scary tests and put various tubes in you.
* A best friend will let you crash at her apartment even if you wake her up at 2 am singing rap songs into her intercom.
* A best friend will stock you up on food to eat after a surgery.
*A best friend will crawl around, in her bridesmaid gown, with a wet nap, scrubbing out all of the grass stains you got on your wedding dress taking pictures with your dogs in the park so that it looks like new for the reception.
* A best friend will crawl through a window in a bar to impress the boys you’ve just met.
Judi M | October 8, 2011 |
Rule #10 If your best friends home burns down in a horrible ball of flames you must come over immediately to comfort and help… Even if technically she forgot your birthday last month and you aren’t speaking to her.. you need to let it go, shake it off and just be there for her. Fire trumps all previous arguments.
Rule # 25 If your best friend needs to practice her “waxing” technique for beauty school, it your obligation to help even if in the end it leaves a mark and your crying in the corner. Some good ice cream and fatty fried food along with an 80′s movie can fix that right up. (no remakes allowed only original 80′s)
Rule #4 If your best friend calls you up in the middle of the day while your at work, suggesting that the both of should book 3 week tickets to Australia to soul search and find yourselves in the great Outback and the ever expansive and massive Great Barrier Reef…It is your duty to tag along during this quarter life crisis (granted you have time from work and semi funds…the rest you can just wing when you get off the plane)
Lailia busbee | October 8, 2011 |
I promise that when the zombie apocalypse happens, we’ll get all Lara Croft on its ass. But if you get bitten by a zombie, I swear that I will shoot you before you turn into one. And I expect the same for me.
Meng | October 8, 2011 |
As your best friend, I am entitled to make fun of you. Period.
That being said, if I step out of the line, you are allowed to punch me anywhere you want once, and only once.
Which reminds me, you are also entitled to go with me to places like the hospital.
Dzamira d | October 8, 2011 |
I will go to shows and movies with you even if I hate them because I know you haaaaave to go or else you’ll diiiie.
You accept my cat obsession and will only lightly make fun of it.
I will not make fun of the three little hairs that grow on your neck or when you pluck them on the couch in the living room.
You will listen to me cry about every boy that hurts my feelings and not tell me that I am stupid for sleeping with him because I already know.
I will give you gas money when you are too poor to even drive to work.
You will accept my liberal beliefs and I will accept your…non-liberal beliefs and we will love each other and not talk about the politics we disagree on because that is just a mess waiting to happen.
I will step in when you are cooking to help you finish what you started.
You will not get mad when I take over your cooking because we both know it will end up tasting better.
You will not let me get a big head about my cooking skills.
I will always make sure to hang up your clothes after I’ve washed/borrowed them, depending.
You will let me abbreviate words and end plural words with a Z to an extent because you know it makes me happy.
I will let you post videos on Facebook that I found on youtube and let you take the cool credit for it.
You will credit me for said videos from time to time.
I will always let you take the first shower before we get ready to go out.
You will not make me feel guilty for eating a whole bag of potato chips before bed because it was just that kind of day.
I will roll the window down in the car if you farted and pretend like it didn’t happen.
You will always make me feel like I am a better person when you are around.
I will always answer the phone when you call me on the long drive home from work because I know you get lonely.
You will go first jumping off rooftops into pools to prove it’s safe.
I will always love you.
Taryn boyle | October 8, 2011 |
*You can call me at 2am to vent about your horrible day-but you’ll have to repeat everything in the morning so I’ll remember it.
*You know you’ll get a birthday present, but it might be 3 months late. Even so, you’ll still love it because it’s an excuse to finally get together.
Val | October 8, 2011 |
-They need to tell you when you have lettuce stuck on your teeth or when one of your boobs try to make a guest appearance.
- Best friends gotta like the Backstreet Boys not N*sync (you get downgraded to ” that friend who likes Justin)
- If you’re sleeping in the same bed as me, you gotta be cool of me cuddling in the middle of the night. This only happens when i’m not sleeping with my chihuahua.
- If you have an assignment involving recording and editing call me, i’ll say yes unless it involves doing transitions that includes venereal deseases pictures fading in and out (only applies if you’re a medical student)
- I’ll bring all the movies you want from my library, even that big sarcophagus with all seasons of LOST in it. And i’ll let you play with the cool flashlight that’s inside.
- I won’t get mad at you if you forget my birthday or missed my birthday party because you’re in a midnight release of your favorite book series.
- Will never, ever, invite you to the movies to see a Twilight film or any film involving Tommy Wiseau.
- Best friends don’t let best friends drink and tweet.
- They will always be veggies and soy food in the fridge and I will not cook any meat when you come over. The only piece of meat you’ll see is that Jared Leto poster that I have on my door.
- You can bring your boyfriend to girls night out if no one can take care of him.
- No matter how much money you owe me, I will never say no if you need some. Plus, I will not remind you how much money you owe me cuz I won’t remember.
- You liked a shirt but they don’t have it on your size? I’ll search the whole internet until I find it and surprise you on your birthday.
- Hungry? Got some gum or granola bar in my purse. Maybe some pizza if the purse is big enough.
Valerie M. | October 8, 2011 |
the best friend must be willing to watch disney movies with me.
the best friend must enjoy skinny dipping.
the best friend must either: make an amazing cup of coffee or be the one buying starbucks.
the best friend must always be up for a roadtrip.
the best friend must be willing to tell the hard truth.
Katie | October 8, 2011 |
If you go to sonic and are coming over afterwards, you will always bring me a drink. ALWAYS. Do not bring me a plain coke, that is bs. I want a cherry/lemon/lime/ocean explosion (but you already know that).
If you are feeling defeated, sad, or angry I will always be around to talk about it or cheer you up. I will also find out whatever is making you feel that way and tell he, she or it to suck it.
Any line from any show we watch together is forever quotable, and we have to laugh at it no matter how many times we’ve heard it. “Please welcome Liz Lemooooonnn!”
We can always sleep over without notice.
We will drag each other to concerts where only one of us is super excited about the band, but we will both have a good time. If one of us didn’t, we will fake it as not to ruin the magic for the other.
Domonique | October 8, 2011 |
Who else would welcome you into their home when you left your ex, the dog and your shared place behind? Who else would take you to get ice cream the day after you wrecked your car for some “sweet treat” therapy? Speaking of wreckage, who else would keep you calm after you just drove a golf cart off of a six foot cliff (and consequently smashed it)? Who else would pop a zit for you? Or put your camera down their pants so you can get it into a concert? Or drink Diet Cokes and smoke cigarettes with you while hanging out of your college apartment window? Who else wore matching outfits with you when you were younger… or wore matching outfits with you to parties in college? Who else would go with you to see New Kids On The Block (in 2008)? Or wait to see all of the Harry Potter movies with only you? Who else will point out when you stick your foot in your mouth, but also know just when to compliment your public speaking skills? Who else will still play Mall Madness with you on holidays? Who will help you turn a bar into a dance club? Or ask you to help them decorate their new apartment? Who else will call you to say, “HGB, you were right! I wasn’t drinking last Friday because I’m pregnant!” or simply send you a picture of the actual pregnancy test? Or text you to tell you that there is a look-a-like of an ex on The Bachelorette? Who else will help you to collate hundreds of copies manually after you forgot to select “collate” on your printing order? Who else will tell you how much they love you and your boyfriend together (and mean it)? Who has bottles of wine “on call?” Who will let you cry when you need to… and make you laugh out loud right afterward? Who else will get a joint photo Christmas card with you? Who lets you make mistakes and lets you make up for them? Who else treats you like an adult even though they have watched you grow up? And who else calls you at 12:35 p.m. on your birthdays to remind you how she gave birth to you?
HGB | October 8, 2011 |
We will feed each other. Not spoon-to-mouth, because EW that’s gross and we aren’t fictional characters from romcoms. But you are always cranky if you’re hungry, and food heals all wounds, so I am obligated to bring you snacks. When you’re working a long shift at work and can’t get away, I should stop by with hummus or that gross soymilk you like. When I’ve had a terrible day, you will come over with cupcakes. And as often as we can, we will cook together and make cool, delicious meals and pretend we are at home and not in our tiny, disgusting dorm kitchen.
When we’re going out, we’ll take turns picking up the check. I refuse to count pennies with you! I know that you’ll eventually pay me back, and if you don’t, because you’re forgetful or you maxed out your credit card, it’s okay. We are family, I’m not taking you to small claims court (unless we can get on TV!!)
We will sit comfortably in silence, whenever we want. When you come over, we’ll watch a movie and paint our nails and talk about absolutely nothing. And it will be GREAT. One of the best hangouts ever! I don’t have to entertain you, my company alone is enough.
Patricia | October 8, 2011 |
We will always watch Grey’s Anatomy (or insert favorite TV show) together. For any particularly swoon-worthy parts, it’s acceptable to rewind and watch them several times to swoon again. Patrick Dempsey (or John Krasinski or - heaven help me - Conan O’Brien) will be just as beautiful on the twelfth viewing.
If we are in different states/time zones and cannot watch together, you will call me on Friday and sum up the entire episode in sing-song. I, in turn, will listen and compliment you on your cleverness, even if you were off key. You will pretend not to notice if I’m still emotionally suffering for my favorite characters the next day. But no matter what we are in agreement that this show is SO GOOD.
Kelsey | October 8, 2011 |
1. At my request, we watch Newsies and Teen Witch back-to-back, without complaints from you.
2. Sleepovers always consist of 2 packages of Tollhouse cookie dough because (who are we kidding?) sharing is inconceivable.
3. Two words: Dance parties.
4. Between long distances and time apart, we send each other mix tapes with smatterings of Rick Spring…field, The Smiths and The Kooks.
5. With old age comes wisdom. In our case, we are just getting closer to retirement and the excuse to torment orderlies and flirt with McDreamies. It’s considered “creepy” when old men flirt with young women. We will be thought of as “cute old biddies”.
6. If you have a bad breakup, I promise to bring Phish Food for eating, The Breakfast Club for watching and kindling for burning his stuff.
7. We have a strict car agreement: The driver always gets to choose the radio station. The passenger controls the volume and keeps a watch for po-po activity.
8. I would take time off work to drive you around post-hospital. Minor needs like if the optometrist gave you eyedrops and your pupils are murder-scary or major needs like if you had a gall bladder removed.
9. Speaking of hospitals… I would totally give you a kidney if you needed it. There’s nothing that spells L-O-V-E like giving away body parts.
10. I depend upon you and you alone to let me know when my breath stinks. I don’t care if you use the prowess of Sydney Bristow, just get a mint in my mouth asap!
Tiffany | October 8, 2011 |
The best friend must hold your hair back at the end of your night of drinking.
Ashley | October 8, 2011 |
1. If you witness someone talking about me, mocking me, or insulting me, you will have my back. Always.
2. If I’m at a party, bar, or gathering, and I want to leave early, and I ask you to come with me, you have to come. Even if you were about to pick up the cutest guy there, you are allowed to roll your eyes, but you’re coming with me in the taxi.
3. If I’m hurting, and I can’t talk about what happened yet, whether it’s from a loss or a breakup, you’ll be there with me. Even if it’s just to sit or hold my hand. You’ll give me time to find my voice again.
Julia Hays | October 8, 2011 |
I also… don’t see mine posted. My bff wouldn’t mind if I reposted so maybe all you Bffs also wont mind?
1. When you’re stressed, because of work, school, or your Christmas party starts in 2 hours and your losing it, I will make you a snack. Probably ravioli.
2. Even though your husband is being awesome and moving patio furniture for said party, I will pour these chips in a bowl for you, and then do your hair and make up, turning you into a Kardashian for a night.
3. When said husband is gone for business or pleasure or whatever, my over night bag is already packed. Deal with it.
4. There is champagne in my over night bag.
5. I KNOW it is sparkling wine, but just let me have this one. (You do.)
6. We’re grown and we are back in school, so on test days there must be a “you will kick ass and your hair is pretty” text.
7. When you’re nervous on your wedding day and there are a million things happening, our telepathic message system will be activated!! And you’ll know how much I love you and your soon to be Mr.
8. Gossip. Being bffs give you the right to say the things we wouldn’t even say in front of S/Os. No, we wouldn’t ACTUALLY poison someone, but hypothetically speaking, they might deserve it a little.
9. When I don’t agree with you at all, we don’t say “We’ll agree to disagree”. We say “I mean, either way, that shit is still crazy”
10. We’re sisters. We love each other, we support each other, you yell at me when I spell “grateful” “greatfull”, but we still spoon when we’re drunk.
Aunni | October 8, 2011 |
1) We are each others plus-1 to *most* events, and should the *other* plus-1 that accompanies us to the *other* events not come through- we are each others plus-1.
2) If we have plans to go out and you call/text last minute that you can’t make it, I will assume that you genuinely, painfully, and regrettably cannot make it. Only basic questions asked (i.e. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you?, etc.) and no resentment on my part.
Ariana | October 8, 2011 |
When your best friend finds out she is surprise accidentally pregnant, you vow to secretly and descreetly drink all her beers (possibly making a spectacle of yourself in the process) at social gatherings until she’s ready to share the news with everyone else.
Jmje | October 8, 2011 |
How to know if you have a true BFFL by your side.
1. They respect girl code. Always. No exceptions. Chicas before creepas.
2. They’re prettier than you but have become so good at lying that you truly in your heart of hearts believe you are much cuter than her.
3. WYTALSOATAKWYATTS (When you text a long string of acronyms they always know what you are trying to say).
4. Midnight premiers = no shame (e.g. Twilight, Harry Potter, community theater reruns of the 2001 classic “The Wedding Planner”… hey no shame remember).
5. Boys are lame. Refer to rule 1.
6. At the end of the day you both know that though you will both one day marry wonderful, handsome, kind, rich men… you also know that as soon as they die you will move in together be old lady roommates and watch reruns of Friends and 30 Rock until you die.
If you and your supposed BFFL have even 5 of the 6 qualifications on the BFFL list, then congratulate yourself for a) being prettier than your BFFL and b) finding a great friend.
Ashley Perez | October 9, 2011 |
— give rewards to each other such as sweets, yoghurt for every accomplishment we each make
)
— she needs to listen to the songs i love even though i play it a hundred times in one day
— i watch movies each wants even though one finds it very boring and ‘corny’, even though we like watching different genre
— she needs to say something about what i wear, whether it fits me or not, she’s my fashion consultant
— 1:1 ratio of food such as flat tops and choco cookies
— we taste frappe whenever we go to a new coffee shop
— bestfriend first before boys
— maid of honor of each other
— will be godmother of each others children
— most importantly, FOREVER. bestfriends forever ♥
http://twitpic.com/5nxqpm
STephanie sison | October 9, 2011 |
— give rewards to each other such as sweets, yoghurt for every accomplishment we each make
)
)
— she needs to listen to the songs i love even though i play it a hundred times in one day
— i watch movies each wants even though one finds it very boring and ‘corny’, even though we like watching different genre
— she needs to say something about what i wear, whether it fits me or not, she’s my fashion consultant
— 1:1 ratio of food such as flat tops and choco cookies
— we taste frappe whenever we go to a new coffee shop
— bestfriend first before boys
— another thing, cut my hair, especially my bangs when i ask her to, no blaming, whatever the result will be
— maid of honor of each other
— will be godmother of each others children
— most importantly, FOREVER. bestfriends forever ♥
http://twitpic.com/5nxqpm
STephanie sison | October 9, 2011 |
BESTIES!!
-My best friend is also considered my soulmate. Men come into our lives and are fun and exciting, but lets face it, its basically in their DNA to let us down. The good news is during the constant search for Mr. Right, my true soulmate has been by my side all along. My bestie is the one and only who I trust with my heart!
-My best friend will be spoiled. If there is something I buy and love, I will buy 2 of them to share the love. I plan on picking up one copy of Mindy Kaling’s new book for me and one copy for my bestie!
-My best friend has the right to give me free therapy. Lucky for me, my bestie is working on her masters in psychology. I have no problem with being a practice patient and having every exciting and important detail of my life being over analyzed. Because I am a nurse, in return, my best friend has access to free health care should it be needed.
-While riding in the car, we will always blast the stereo to songs we listened to 10 years ago and sing as loudly and horribly as possible.
-Although it’s not nice to judge others or talk badly about them at all, we have an agreement that we can talk crap about anyone and everyone and it won’t count against us.
-My best friend is the 2nd person only after my mom who will be called in regards to any big life changing events. These may included but are not limited to getting dumped, getting married, getting preggers, any sudden death or diseases, getting promoted, getting fired, etc.
-Laughter is the most important thing in life and I believe it cures a multitude of problems. For this reason, the majority of the time spent with my bestie will always be full of laughing and silliness.
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Trystn | October 9, 2011 |
qualities i expect in a potential bff:
1. get on my level- if the party takes a turn for the worse (more fun) and i suddenly become “that girl” you better pound some shots and catch up. don’t leave yo girl hanging or at least help me get some. same rule applies for unwarranted excitement. i.e. if i suddenly become infatuated with the biebs, you won’t make fun of me but will become a belieber too.
2. tolerance for obsessive behavior- it doesn’t matter if my crushes turn borderline glen close a la fatal attraction, fucking deal with it.
3. birthdays- when it’s my birthday you better shower me with affection, presents, and cocktails. bow down to your birthday betch and i might reciprocate on your day of birth.
4. don’t dress like a homeless person- i have no desire to feel the first hand effects of your secondhand clothes.
5. talking shit- i’m not asking you to be on par with regina george, but nice people just aren’t that interesting. so if my vest is disgusting or i wear sweats on a monday, call me out. i will suck it up and sit with the art freaks.
Sarah | October 9, 2011 |
My biggest bff rule is that those you call your bff’s should be proud to let everyone know you’re theirs too! I’ve been in and seen too many situations where some bff’s hide the fact that you’re their true best friend in the public eye but then rely on you to be there for them when it suits them. If I am your bff then be proud of that don’t put baby in a corner for fear of hurting your other friends feelings!
Krystal | October 9, 2011 |
A best friend will always tell you the truth, and always let you tell her the truth. And you will still be friends after!
Kristy T | October 9, 2011 |
Best friends must facilitate one another’s eating and/or drinking of feelings after one has found out (via light, and non-invasive internet/facebook stalking) that their recent ex has moved on with someone named Kimmie.
Anna | October 9, 2011 |
1) I will pick you up first and decipher your texts and/or location later.
Your/my boyfriend will take out our trash, hang up pictures, fix leaky faucets, and generally do all the chores we’re too fabulous to do ourselves.
2) I will try your gluten-free, fructose-free food once, and buy the not-gluten-free pizza and sugary ice cream so you don’t have to pay for the food you suffer to enjoy.
3) I will read all your online dating communication so I can protect you from serial killers.
4) I will accommodate your irrational fear of costumes by either getting ready for Halloween elsewhere, or choosing the last costumey costume.
5) We will alternate who drives to go shopping, because, let’s face it, it’s really never just one person’s idea.
6) I will keep your wishlist on file and pick things up for you because sometimes (only sometimes!) I’m at Target and your Target for Missoni mugs are there and well, I know how much you want them.
7) I will feed and walk your dog when you’ve been out dancing all night. You need your rest.
9) I will enable all your weird harmless Internet habits, like my TMZ obsession or your bridal blog obsession.
10) I will try to wait until you’re available to watch Jersey Shore and the Good Wife, but I won’t spoil it if I can’t.
Amanda | October 9, 2011 |
-I will still love you, no matter what. I will defend you to the death to anyone that says a mean word about you because of these things, even if they’re probably right.
-We will text each other religiously, even though we’re in separate states and even though we’re both so busy with graduate school, we may not answer for long periods of time. But I expect a reply before you go to bed.
-I will facebook stalk your new friends, so when you talk about them, I’ll be able to picture them in my head and will already know things about them. You will do the same for me.
-I will remember our secret code words so when you suddenly start talking about peanut butter pie, I know you’re more than ready to leave the party. And we will leave, no matter the hotness of the guy I’m talking to me. And you will trust me not to put the real secret code words on the Internet. I know better than that.
-I will give you pictures of my niece so you can show them to people and tell them that this is the adorable kid you get if anyone in her immediate family dies.
-I will answer random trivia questions for you (because I’m always right) without being given a reason as to why you’re asking.
-I expect you at my parent’s house for Thanksgiving and Christmas the second you get done with your family. My family is your family too, after all, and you’ve been coming since you could drive. Tell your new husband to get over it.
-I will not judge you, no matter how messy your apartment is, or how many milkshakes you order in one sitting from our favorite fast food place. Oh wait, those are things you won’t be judging me for. We will know each other’s favorite drink from the aforementioned fast food place, and the size we prefer them in.
-I will answer the phone if you call me in the middle of the night. In fact, I will wake up before the phone rings because my BFF ESP tells me that you need me.
-I will know exactly how far you got with that guy you had a date with, just by looking at your face.
-When you’re depressed over your recent ex-boyfriend moving on too quickly, I will insist you come over, take you out to dinner, get multiple desserts to go, and then force you to watch movies where everyone dies and no one falls in love.
-When I inevitably fall for the jerk, you will tell me he’s a jerk, but will still love me while I crush over him/ go on dates with him/ have a relationship with him. You will occasionally mention said jerky-ness of the jerk, but only when I open the door for you to do so. And when I inevitably wise up and break up with him, you will be there for me and won’t say I told you so until the mourning and healing times have passed.
Megan | October 9, 2011 |
You make sure my fiancee doesn’t pick out the wrong engagement ring.
You have the right to approve of any of my boyfriends before anyone else, including my parents.
You know what I’m doing, what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling without even having to ask.
You text me back right away or I’ll freak out and occasionally call the police.
You will freak out over Mindy Kaling’s book with me and plan to wait hours in line at her book signing before it’s even announced.
Taylor | October 9, 2011 |
Even though we live in different cities in different parts of the country, I am still able to drop by whenever I want, or need to. This could mean Christmas day, 3:00AM or tomorrow morning as you’re stepping out of the shower, it doesn’t matter. I can also bring my boyfriend, another friend and his girlfriend at the last minute, and you will gladly put us up in the basement with the option of snacks!
In return, I will happily ditch everyone to go to that dive of a coffee shop with you to listen to your boyfriend’s band as they sing about…coffee shops…during an impromptu interlude in their 18-minute rendition of “All Along the Watchtower.” I will tell him that his music “reinterprets the aesthetic and affective boundaries of the genre” because that’s fair for both of us. I will buy his CD for 7 dollars, even though I secretly believe that the polite thing to do would be to charge 5 dollars so I could at least get neat change in return.
I will not make fun of his soul patch.
And when you visit, whether it’s 2:00AM on the day of my big job interview or just before I tuck myself into bed for the night, I’ll put on the chamomile tea I have in stock just for you (after all, I hate the stuff). There will also be chocolate cookies, delicious choc-CO-late cookies! I will even put on your boyfriend’s CD in the background, after I tactfully leave the room just long enough to tear the plastic wrap away from it. You’ll smile as I skip “All Along the Watchtower” (I can’t believe they made THAT the first track, but then what can you expect from an album called “Under Covers”), and you’ll say, without further preamble, “That flavour saver has GOT to go”. In turn, I’ll reply, “Right? RIGHT??”
By then, we’ll both be grinning, ear-to-ear.
Cindy | October 9, 2011 |
SCENT AND MEMORY
As your best friend, naturally I know what you smell like (It’s normal! We’ve spent a lot of time together! That Tide commercial tells me that scent is the strongest sense tied to memory!). And I will text you every time I get a whiff of you from a scented candle at Anthropologie.
GROUP DINNER ETIQUETTE
You will meet me a block away from the restaurant we’re going to for a birthday dinner for someone we don’t know very well so that neither of us has to walk in alone and make awkward small talk with people we barely know or pretend to look at our cell phones until someone we know shows up.
FACILITATING TRUE LOVE
If you have a crush on someone I am marginally better acquainted with than you, I promise to brainstorm/host potential activities that will thrust you into his path- even if it means him thinking I’m weird for hosting so many group dinners or inviting him to our book club.
MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER AND YOU
Anyone I seriously date will know your name and be ready to love you as I do before you ever meet because I will talk about you constantly.
PHONE CALLS
I promise to always answer my phone if I notice you calling me three times in a row-
even if I am out to dinner or at a party. Clearly something important enough is up if you show up on my caller ID that many times in the span of a minute.
IN THE EVENT OF OFFSPRING
I will be honored, not weirded out, if you decide to name your first-born child after me. Your kids will refer to me as their ‘aunt,’ after all.
SHOPPING
When we go shopping together and I know something looks better on you than it does on me (even if I’m in love with it) I’ll relinquish it to you.
HIPSTER/HILARITY CREDIT
Whenever you send me something online that is unbelievably cool or makes me snort milk out my nose, I promise to always give credit where credit is due when I forward it to everyone I know.
BEST FRIENDS WHO CAN DRAW TOGETHER, STAY TOGETHER
We are best friends because we can do things like draw together. Drawing could be replaced with some other sort of meditative/mundane activity, but we will always be able to enjoy each other’s company simply by being in the same room.
Jayne | October 10, 2011 |
31. Being there for you when your grandma was dying.
32. Being there for me when my hound dog was dying.
33. Tolerating the youtube and imgur links of puppies falling asleep in their bowls, talking dogs, and all manner of cats.
34. Discussing the cinematography/costuming of Deep Throat.
35. Loving each other’s pets (and eventual children) as if they were our own.
36. Reading my mother’s blog.
37. Promoting my brother’s start-up business.
38. Not judging (or not publicly, at least) each other’s guilty pleasures.
39. Being super fabulous.
40. Having too many things to list.
Amanda | October 10, 2011 |
One Dozen Rights & Responsibilities
1. At a party or a social engagement, or even just a bar, our drinks are interchangeable.
2. It doesn’t matter how well dressed we are, or how much we payed for the tickets- if one of us really wants to leave during intermission, we’ll leave together and stop for snacks at a 711 on the way home.
3. I will always attend your “Build Your Own Musical” improv show whenever possible. If I have to miss one every now and then, you understand. However, on nights when you’re worried about attendance, you know I’ll be there.
4. Gastrointestinal misadventures will be shared, discussed, cringed over, laughed over, celebrated and reveled in.
5. I know you make more money than me and often pay for dinner, so I will take much delight in treating you to a spontaneous latte- or bringing one to your workplace. You will understand the importance of the gesture.
6. I will help you promote your Etsy page, share links to your new blog and spread the word about your Kickstarter…..I’ll even do all that for your sister’s projects, because I know how important she is to you.
7. If one of of has a headache, the other will know that headaches really hurt and will do everything we can to mitigate the pain. Neck massages, aspirin, a quiet place to lay down, and water will be offered.
8. I will never put you in the situation where you have to prevent me from driving drunk. You will never put me in that situation. Should that situation ever occur, however, for whatever reason, you would do whatever it took to prevent me from making a terrible mistake, and I you.
9. When I’m homesick, you will share your mom, you will share your cooking, you will play with my hair, and you will be happy to look through my entire family photo album..again.
10. As long as we live in the same town, you’ll never have to worry about an airport ride.
11. At a party, we will mingle with others but know instinctively when it’s time to ‘check in.’
12. When you say “thank you” after I do any of the previous gestures, I will say “of course” because…come on, of course.
Melina | October 10, 2011 |
I drive; you pay for parking. You drive; I pay for parking. This should work smoothly every time and not warrant much if any discussion.
Madeline | October 10, 2011 |
I will be your +1 at your hott-co-worker-that-you-briefly-dated’s wedding if you really need me to be. And I will bring a flask.
Madeline | October 10, 2011 |
I will not buy your lingerie shower gift at Ross, as I’ve done with every other now-married friend in my life. But I still might look at the sale racks elsewhere.
Madeline | October 10, 2011 |
When we are low, I will read Jennifer Weiner fiction out loud to you and replace all the main characters’ names with ours so that our love lives sound overtly sexual and extravagant.
Madeline | October 10, 2011 |
Best friends will drop anything the second the other one needs them.
Best friends can go months without seeing each other and the second they get together it’s like nothing has ever changed.
Best friends can get together to “watch a movie” and end up talking for hours straight about everything and nothing while something plays in the background.
Best friends remember their inside jokes from when they were 5 and still think they are funny at 20.
Best friends can get into a heated argument then drop it immediately and have no hard feelings.
Best friends have two sets of parents: their own parents and their second parents, or the parents of their best friend.
Best friends tell you when that blue eyeshadow you just bought makes you look like a clown.
Best friends will mercilessly tease each other about something but the second someone else does it, the best friend claws come out.
Best friends either pretend to read every one of the other’s articles in their college newspaper or pretend to be interested in the others intense scientific studies.
Best friends can go out with other people, but when they run into one another outside a bar they must reunite for a long best friend hug.
Best friends know everything about each other, but are still there for each other.
Best friends have an unexplainable bond, which for my bff and me, started the day I was born when my mom called her neighbor Kathy (my bff’s mom) and told her Jenny had a new friend. It’s been 20.5 years and we are still best friends and I can’t imagine my life without being able to tell her every crazy detail of my life and knowing that she won’t judge me (at least openly.)
Bridget Mallon | October 10, 2011 |
I reserve the right to call in the middle of the night if I think you might still be up, but you have the right to yell at me if you’re not.
A best friend will be so used to how weird I am, she won’t even notice.
You have the right to roll your eyes at me for my ridiculous hamster calendar, but you’re going to have to listen to me re-explain why it’s so cute and endearing going page by page.
We do not always have to understand each other, as long as we try.
A best friend will spent more money then she should on gag gifts she knows will make me laugh.
You know all the words to my dog’s theme song, which I made up and will start to sing if I get bored, you are prepared for this.
A best friend will use all available skills and resources to help me get my shit together, be it school or work.
We will re-create a board game out of cardboard and arts and craft stuff if we wanna play and do not own the real one.
A best friend will know as soon as she answers the phone that I’m going to be crying yet again over the same old things and will still listen.
Even if it’s the lamest horror movie you’ve ever seen, you still have to let me grab your arm during the scary parts.
Candice | October 10, 2011 |
If I call you at an obscene hour of the night, you must come pick me up, even if it is at the skanky dive bar that you warned me not to go because I could get an STD (don’t worry, I’ll repay you in coffee).
-If one of us goes through something horrible, like if the pair of hella amazing flats we hid in the men’s underwear section at Target is not there anymore (or worse: a death, a break-up, a friend issue, etc.), the other will bring the following: cupcakes, funny movies, wine, trashy magazines, a laptop to Facebook stalk, and a shoulder to cry on.
-If you are sad, I will stay with you for hours until you are happy. Because I know you would do the same for me.
-If you are about to do something shiesty (like wear a multi-colored leopard print dress out in public, talk to your ex, or buy a fur muffler), I can be honest with you because I love you.
-When I move across country we will snail mail once every other week, call/text daily, Skype weekly, and communicate telepathically…because really, if we don’t stay in touch, THERE IS NO ONE ELSE LEFT.
-You will be the maid of honor at my wedding. Duh.
-If I am unhappy about the same thing for awhile, you will help me figure out how to change it/take me to get Fro-Yo.
-If I sing the lyric, “I ain’t got no car to take you on a date” from the baller song, “The Way I Are” a la Timbaland and Keri Hilson, you will immediately dance and mimic the lyrics because hello, we’re a duo.
-I hate you who hate and vice versa. Okay, well, hate is a really strong word, but really. If someone wrongs you, I will dislike them intensely and wish them severe weight gain and bloated feet until they apologize/buy you something really cool.
-We make up code names/phrases for everything. For example: if I am on a bad first date and text you, “THE PAINT IS DRYING!!” you will know to immediately call me fake-crying about how you have a flat tire and are stuck in Bumfuck NowhereLand and I need to come “get you” (which really means sit on a bed with Goodberry’s and wine and cry about how there are no good men left and the fact that my ovaries are going to shrink).
-You will be one of the godparents of my future child. If I have a child. Which I might. But still. It’s gotta be you, babe.
-You constantly assure me that I would be a good mom and not accidentally break my child if I gave him/her a hug.
-I always tell you that you’re pretty and vice versa. And it still makes me smile when you do!
-When I am making an acceptance speech YOU need to be my date so when I get to the, “Aaaaand to all of my haters….” the camera will pan on you smiling widely while you flip through a Rolodex of everyone who was mean to me.
-At your wedding I will cry because I’ll feel overwhelmed at the notion of even HALFWAY letting you go.
-When we have homes, we each have a designated “Best Friend” room. Meaning no one but the two of us can go in there and hang out and anyone who does will be killed.
-If you say you want to live in a city and travel and go camel-riding, I will support you. Because, hi, I’m coming with you.
-If I say I feel fat, you tell me to shut up.
-If my parents are embarrassing you don’t mock them, but you just go with it.
-You will let me eat the last piece of pie.
-I will let you eat the last handful of M&M’s because I know you love them.
-We can talk about PPB: Periods, Poops, and Burps. But we still get tickled over these notions.
-You will make me laugh like a hyena over everything, and hopefully, vice versa.
-We know that even though we’re not from the same DNA pool, we’re related.
-This isn’t even about getting a signed copy of Mindy’s book. Reading over this list makes me more thankful and teary and happy and just plain old LUCKY that I have you for a sisterfriend.
Kiran | October 10, 2011 |
#bffresponsibility is to remove you from a bar after a chocolate cake shot, tell the bartender you’re done when you start to speak gibberish, be your mobile memory when you get a call from a random number because you had your beer googles on, remind you to keep your top on, be your moral compass when you try to make out with your dates sister, get you drunk, forgive you in the morning, feed you since I’m the chef, be there for you when everything goes wrong.
My #bffrights: on any said night you’ve had much to drink I get free use of your ATM card, use your drunk gibberish for myself and others entertainment (of course at your expense), your iPhone charger is always my iPhone charger, wake you up at 4am to share a coke after a night of drinking, tag you on fb everywhere we go including strip clubs, use your lip gloss when I can’t find mine, take from your pack of gum and not mine, make you co tweet with me, have you sign up for game shows with me, make you watch uncomfortable netflix movies I choose
Beka b. | October 10, 2011 |
I will eat with you day and night and day again. Food is delicious and it is extra special with you.
I will drive through the shadiest areas in the city to score the best deals at creepy thrift stores. You make me more brave.
We will celebrate every little success with sincere “ooh, ooooohs!” as first discovered in our much beloved movie, Baby Mama.
We will tell strangers how we met, and they will be charmed. If they aren’t, they are robot aliens.
I will cry with you over the dumb stuff and the huge stuff, because we both have a lot of emotions and that is okay.
I will care about your hair and make up choices.
I will sing drunk made-up operas with you centered around sandwiches.
I will hold your hair when you puke and we will later decide we didn’t need those those last few shots purchased to get us through the walk home.
I get to sleep in bed with you and your boyfriend… because we are family and your boyfriend is hilarious and will let us do what we want.
There will be cookies in our future… and dancing. And pictures galore.
I will love your 3 crazy cats and be there aunt, even though I am allergic.
We will always be soulmates, no matter the distance.
I will always have a fun suggestion for an activity, same as you.
Our stories will always be enchanting.
You will always be my very best friend and that is why I don’t leave the room when you are at your gassiest.
There will never enough time with you.
Anne cuddy | October 10, 2011 |
When you’re visiting a best friend, they’ll tell you you can sleep on the floor or on the couch but they would much rather have you squish into their bed with them.
Alissa | October 10, 2011 |
As my best friend, you must tell me when it is time to wax my upper lip if it is clear that I don’t realize I need to yet. I’m busy. You know that, and who looks at my face more than you?
We both agree to do “Yoga for Pregnancy” when one of us is lazy. If we just want to lay the mats out and meditate/nap, that’s okay, too.
We will never hate on one another for being the hotter one when we go out. We’re attention whores, but we share that attention. You be the funny one on Friday, but I’ll be telling the jokes on Saturday.
I will be your wing woman whenever and wherever you need or want. When you kiss him for the first time, think of me, and say, “Thank you.” Then remember why we are best friends.
Know that some of the last part of that is not totally necessary. I’ll let you decide which part. This is because I trust you.
You can’t get mad at me for getting that reckless driving ticket on our way to North Carolina in your car when your tags were expired. The state trooper didn’t even see the tags, and neither of us really ever look at the speedometer. I was going very fast, but it’s not like I was zig-zagging all over the place. If we were in Germany, this wouldn’t be an issue. Besides, we were listening to The Coathangers. You should have known I was going to get buck wild.
And just so we’re clear, we both think that trooper was racist, right? Yes, I did it. I reached in my back pocket and pulled out the race card. Sometimes I feel oppressed. But you get it.
Furthermore, you can’t joke me for getting into an accident on may way to court for said ticket. Shit happens, right?
We can’t get mad at each other for being friends, or just friendly with girls the other dislikes. I know we sip that haterade really hard sometimes, but it’s good to let some things go.
You are allowed to tell me I’m crazy, and I’m allowed to tell you the same. I can tell you when you’re sending the wrong message to a guy, and you can tell me when I’m being a jealous bitch. Basically, we are allowed to call each other out on all our shit. In fact, it is encouraged.
I will never think you’re lame for wanting to get married and have a family. I want those things, too. (I think our friends who say they don’t believe in marriage are totally frontin’. Just saying.)
Furthermore, you can’t judge me for still looking at wedding blogs. I know I’m not engaged anymore, but those sites have some awesome DIY tutorials, and you know I love crafty things.
If one of us wants to dance, the other one wants to dance. No exceptions. And if we are going to a music fest of any sort, we will try to get up on stage. We had fun the first time, so the next time should be even better. Also, we run from security together.
When we are together, we must attempt to have more fun that everyone else, because let’s face it, we’re simply more capable.
Lastly, if something happens between us, or we for some reason don’t talk for a really long time, like past the time where it gets weird, and it’s clear that maybe we’re upset at one another for various things, it’s okay. As best friends, we know that sometimes we need to be our own best friend. This doesn’t mean we’re over. One of us will Facebook message the other one to meet up at some Applebee’s-like restaurant (but obviously not Applebee’s), and we’ll order gross food, dessert and overpriced alcoholic drinks. We will catch up, and get right back to being better best friends, just like last time.
Kimberly Nario | October 10, 2011 |
Garg! I tweeted but didn’t post here. Correcting now.
- I’ll let you “own” a movie, book, or song because you saw or heard or read it first. Even if I like it more.
- If you need to brag about something to someone but can’t find the courage, I’ll innocently raise the topic.
- When you’re telling an oft-told story, I’ll let the embellishments slide and I’ll laugh, again, at the punchline.
Alysia | October 10, 2011 |
- It’s okay to interrupt date night for emotional crises.
- It’s okay to ignore date to take said phone call.
- It’s okay to fight. It’s nice to fight and know in the end it’s just a fight.
- When we want company but don’t feel like talking and live far away from each other, it’s okay to call and say nothing.
Linda | October 10, 2011 |
1. A best friend will support and go out of her way to accommodate your allergies/dietary needs.
2. A best friend will know your Starbucks (or coffee place of your choice) order by heart. She also knows how much cream/sugar/cinnamon/etc. you take in your drink.
3. A best friend will at least pretend to like your favorite TV shows/movies/books/artists.
4. A best friend will treat your birthday like a national holiday.
5. A best friend will drive you to another city just so you can see your favorite celebrity in person.
6. A best friend will take care of your pet if you need to take care of an emergency.
7. A best friend will answer your call at 3 in the morning.
8. A best friend will love you unconditionally, like a parent or grandparent.
9. A best friend will walk around the Met with you for hours, even if she doesn’t understand art.
10. A best friend will support you in everything you do.
Chelsey | October 10, 2011 |
Rights and Responsibilities of Best Friends
The best friend will always be there to talk about life, bitch about relationships, dish about sex, and provide comfort during any emotional crisis. If best friend is unavailable due to date night, work, or important function (wedding, funeral, etc) they are required to call back at their earliest convenience. Should one best friend need guidance through an emotional crisis, the other best friend will use any available avenue (emergency bathroom trip, hiding in a coat check, etc) to call back and talk her through said crisis.
Should best friends have same size feet they are required to share shoes on occassion, exempt shoes include coveted Jimmy Choos that will never be shared with anyone ever. Don’t even ask.
Best friend is required to tell you how awful an outfit looks. Eventually. After they stop laughing. Awfully dressed bestie is not allowed to get angry about the truth, they must simply accept it as fact and alter their clothing selection until a happy medium is reached.
Regardless of the level of intoxication, best friends are required to be the voice of reason. If one bestie is going too far with a casual flirtation for free drinks, the other is obligated to intervene and remove her from the situation. It may also be required to remind her of her loving husband and pose for drunken cell phone pictures with her to send to said husband in order to prove how good (and PG-rated) of a night they’re having together.
Best friends are required to hold eachother. Whether it be holding eachother up, holding eachother’s hair, or holding eachother while sobbing over a recent tragedy.
As the best friend, you are required to listen to any and all of eachothers stories. Even if you’ve heard them twelve times. However, it is totally acceptable for you to finish the story for me in order to speed up the story telling process.
Best friends are allowed Veto Power. Should a new boyfriend appear to them to be a royal douche canoe, the best friend is allowed to veto your choice of men. No substitution is necessary. The entire relationship becomes null and void upon Best Friend Veto. You are not allowed to get angry about their veto decision, just accept that they see something you don’t and move on. In addition, all potential boyfriends must meet Best Friend Approval.
Best friends are required to plan lavish, expensive, luxurious, relaxing trips together that will likely never be taken. This can include, but is not limited to, a 14-day luxury cruise through the mediterranean, a week-long stay at a 5-star all-inclusive resort complete with luxury spa facilities, a two week long stay at a charmingly rustic mountain lodge complete with hunky drool-worthy ski instructors and male swedish masseurs, or equivalent. Totally acceptable to make the rule of no husbands or kids allowed on said vacation.
On occassion, it may be required to Skype while watching a classic movie marathon on AMC. Because although we may be an entire country apart, we can still find a way to veg on the couch together and make random commentary about classic Clint Eastwood films. It’s a bonding experience.
Finally, on our worst days we are required to make eachother laugh and smile as we talk about our make-believe plans to become crazy, shotgun-toting cat ladies together.
That’s what best friends are all about. Sharing in eachothers mistakes, picking eachother up, making eachother smile, and laughing together at every available opportunity.
Nita | October 10, 2011 |
-A best friend will always support your obsessive writing habits. Sh will answer yes when you ask, “Can I read this out loud,” no matter how many times she’s heard the intro to your story. A best friend will also always find the answer to the question, “What word am I thinking of that means ___ but isn’t ____?” She does this because she knows how important your story is to you, and she will read the ‘final’ copy countless times-first to actually critique and then to gush.
Emily | October 10, 2011 |
A best friend will:
*Support your crazy, delusional, and sometimes fictional relationships with the men that you adore at any given moment.
*Will not only attend a concert of a band they haven’t even heard of (but you LOVE), but also enjoy it, because they are great company!
*Tell you that you’ve lost a few pounds, even as you are scarfing down a dessert you have decided not to share.
*Give you the most thoughtful birthday presents, even though you know their friendship really is the best gift ever!
*Deal with your mood swings and defend you to the very end to anyone who calls you a bitch (even though you are totally being a bitch).
*Make you a mix CD for pretty much every occasion and it will be perfection.
*Just get you like no one has ever really understood you! You need only talk in half sentences or even just a look and they get exactly what’s going on.
*Know exactly when you need a pick-me-up.
*Will not judge you for your need to keep up with the Kardashians, because she’s too busy w/GTL on her to-do list.
*Not only support, but join in on your crazy ideas like being your gym buddy or taking that knitting class you always wanted to do or join a book club.
*Help you Facebook stalk or Google search the object of your affection to make sure they are good enough for you.
A best friend is ultimately the Ethel to your Lucy and you wouldn’t have it any other way!
Estela | October 10, 2011 |
CREEPY GUY AT THE BAR
You will know the “fake name” and persona I assume when I get hit on by a creeper at the bar. Also, when I get hit on by a sexy guy ten minutes later, I will seamlessly transition back to fabulous everyday me, and you will follow.
REPEAT BOYFRIEND FIGHTS
When you call me because you and your boyfriend have been fighting, I won’t remind you that you had the same fight 3 months ago. But if I give you the same advice from before, you’re not allowed to get mad.
MY MOTHER
I can call you to complain about my pushy, crazy mother. When I move away from home, I can also call you because I miss her like crazy.
PHONE TAG
Don’t keep score in phone tag. Everyone knows it’s not a “real game.” We are best friends, you and I, and when one of us fails to answer the phone for 3 days, we don’t fight about it.
FEAR OF REPLACEMENT
When I move away, don’t get worried when I tell you “all about my fabulous new friend.” It is a guarantee that in 3 months I will complain to you about what a bitch she turned out to be. At the end of the day she’s not you and she never will be.
Martha | October 10, 2011 |
1. We have the best times ever and are incredibly hilarious, and write down our witty repartee for later-and it is always still funny.
2. We take each other out and feel free to go wild and crazy, because we know that we’ll keep an eye out for each other to keep us from harm. Unless one of us does something stupid — that’s free game, because BFFs knows what makes great stories.
3. Everything is an adventure-from pressing all the elevator buttons to shopping to getting lost. The last one always happens more with us because we’re talking and then we end up somewhere else.
4. We can tell each other about our awkward times pre-friendship / outside of friendship because the other person’s probably told us theirs already.
5. We can have fights. That can be really nasty because you’re stubborn and I’m sensitive or you’re hungry and I’m taking too long to pick a restaurant. But it’s okay, because we know how to forgive each other and laugh about how we’re apparently a married couple.
6. We know what each other’s favorite candy/color/TV show is.
7. We can suggest something (clothing choice, TV show, book, etc.) and even if the other person is skeptical at first, they realize it is perfect for them after all.
8. We might not talk for days because one person’s away and social media just doesn’t cut it. But we know we can still tell you everything.
9. We tease each other because we love each other, but sometimes we go too far. We never want to! But if you snap at us, we’ll be immediately horrified and probably buy you a pastry/beer/sandwich to make up.
10. We win copies of Mindy Kaling’s books for each other’s birthdays!
SUlagna | October 10, 2011 |
I will facebook stalk the bejeezus out of your ex for you and never delete him as a friend until you give me permission to. He posts a picture of cheese and you need me to analyze it for details about what he is doing, with who, and where? I will. With no judgment. (Which is what I am literally doing right now.)
We know he’s not worth your time and you are way better off without him but it is my best friend duty to indulge a little bit of not over the line crazy when it comes to the guy who smashed your heart. (Love you, Linds.)
I know you will totally be returning the favor some day.
Lisa | October 10, 2011 |
BFF must be willing and eager to talk about her and my bowel movements.
Sam | October 10, 2011 |
When you go on your annual business trip where you have to present on stage to 1000+ people in the company, I will text you good luck. When you reply that you forgot to pack thongs, I will head straight to the mall after work, buy you underwear and go to two post offices (after the first one is closed) and overnight thongs to your hotel. BFFs understand how visible panty lines are a no no.
Mary Beth | October 11, 2011 |
Oh, also? When you send me the link to Mindy Kalig’s new blog? Say this:
“she reminds me of you in all the happy ways… she’s funny and smart and girly and unabashed.
XXO”
Krystl | October 11, 2011 |
I misspelled your name immediately after telling myself not to misspell your name. Am I disqualified? My first name is spelled K-R-Y-S-T-L, and if our positions were reversed, I think I’d give you a pass, but it would sort of depend on my mood and whether I were inclined to see “Krystal” as a charming oversight (given that it’s accompanied by a compliment and all) or the height of carelessness.
Plus, I don’t think my first comment posted, which means what *looks* like my first comment starts with “Oh, also?” Also what? There’s no reference point for also. Therefore, in addition to misspelling your name, I come off as strange.
My first comment (which contained my rule) could be awaiting moderation OR I could have accidentally not posted it some how. Normally, I’d rather die than look even worse by DOUBLE POSTING right after MISSPELLING the name of the person I hope gives me something for free. However, I a) liked my rule a lot and b) really want to win. So, I will err on the side of both caution and further mortification by re-posting my rule below. (And hope that my first comment really was lost because if I write it slightly differently this time, I will feel EVEN DUMBER.)
You agree to secretly love me more than your other best friend.*
*Applies to each of my best friends.
Krystl | October 11, 2011 |
the best friend will accept my neuroses as adorable if somewhat tiring quirks of my personality, and i shall accept my best friend’s all the same.
Rachel | October 11, 2011 |
I will not resent you for liking Dawn the self-righteous hippie as your favorite babysitter of the BSC as long as you don’t hate on Kristy for being a bossy bitch, because you know she’s my favorite.
We can cancel plans with each other at the last minute for a hot date, but our plans are never to be canceled for a husband.
You cannot tag me in a Facebook photo that makes me look fat. I’ll give you the same courtesy.
We will share all of our collective knowledge about periods, sex, and bodily issues without hesitation.
I do not have to attend every event you invite me to, but I will always be there for your birthday.
Kristin | October 11, 2011 |
A best friend will tell always give pep talks when you need to hear that you won’t end up alone in a house full of cats.
Amandeep | October 11, 2011 |
-Best friends do not have to like all of each other’s music, but the top five songs/artists/albums of each bestie are clearly sacred and not to be razzed.
-Best friends introduce each other with at least one sincere adjective or recent accomplishment. (Ex: “This is my WARM friend…” or “This is my recently published friend…”)
-Best friends send at least two funny and two supportive no-pressure-no-response-needed text messages per day during your busy familial crisis time.
-Best friends pay for dinner on the way back from the airport-even if they just picked you up-because they know it makes ending vacay bittersweet instead of just plain bitter.
-Best friends always buy each other mini-trinkets on vacay in return for the aforementioned pick-up/ car dance party and welcome home dinner.
-Best friends are always interested in (and even find MEANING in) a game of, “Let me list all the pastries I ate today to the tune of ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas.’”
-Best friends will pretty much always accept an offer to go power-walking.
-Best friends say, “It’s okay to just be sad” when you start to laugh mid-cry because you feel awkward.
-Best friends know that sometimes crying really is legitimately funny.
-It’s okay if best friends crush on the same guy. We’ll share a fantasy where he’s our mutual husband/butler, but most likely whatever we conjure up will be better than anything that could actually happen. So, neither of us will ever be able to satisfyingly date him.
-Best friends support you not wearing a bra to lady movie night.
-But, best friends will gently tell you you’re being a little irrational about refusing to go out because you’d have to wear a bra “out there.”
Alice | October 11, 2011 |
To my roommate slash best friend: Rules and regulations:
1. Please do not leave your retainers on top of the microwave.
2. After you are done showering, collect all your hair from the wall and THROW IT OUT.
3. Scrub the food off of your dirty dishes BEFORE putting it in the dish washer. I cannot stress this enough.
4. When we stop at jack in the box at 3 am, please do not let me order 15 dollars worth of food. This is not acceptable, and i won’t hesitate to hold you accountable.
5. Please give me the courtesy of warning me before you fart in my general direction.
6. If you plan on farting more then 3 times a day, you need to take beano in order to continue living with me.
7. Forcing me to watch teen mom with you means that I get to dictate what we watch for the rest of the week.
8. I’m sorry you can’t fall asleep, but i can, so shut up.
9. If I have nothing to wear out on a first date, you WILL let me borrow your brand new top that you have not worn yet.
10. Always take one for the team. Love you, girl.
skylar feinberg | October 12, 2011 |